I'm supposed to be doing my Kumon. Kumon is math work that I'm always behind on. According to me, it's hell work for those who haven't "paid their dues." Mom wants me to get a good SAT score. OMG.
I know I'm going to get a good SAT score. I'm smart. I'll pull through. I don't need 2 weeks worth of 5 page, 30 minute packets crammed into a Sunday. I just don't need it. I have enough to do. But parents don't listen do they? It's for our own good, they say. If it was for my own good it would be fun or at least rewarding. But, alas it isn't. It's no reward to me if I'm acing third grade math.
I'd rather be in an Art class or a foreign language class. THat would at least be interesting.
I HATE KUMON!!! And this is coming from someone who loves math and enjoys doing the homework. I wouldn't mind it if I only had to do it every other day. But I don't have time to do it everyday. Weekends are busy and so are Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. I DON'T have time.
Seeing a future for all that's in shreds, that's where all of my travels have led.
Friday, April 02, 2004
I'm thirteen.
It's hard to think about.
I've been through so much in my 13th year, that it's strange to start the 14th. (When you turn one, you're actually starting your second one, so saying that you've completed a year of your life.) So many periods of growth and change.. Do you ever think of what would happen if you erased a year of you're life? How much would you lose? Thoughts, wonderings, experiences, friends... One thing I know is that I would never erase the past year. Over the time of being 12, I learned too much to just throw away. I changed my mind about a million times and became a different person than I have been. I've been depressed, I've been ecstatic and lonely and joyful... it's weird. But I liked it. I went through so many changes and stages that if I looked at my self two years ago and looked at me now, I'd be indistinguishable. I mean, I think I look alike, but so many things, other, have changed. I went through loss and understood what it felt like. I've been through wishing and longing. I've missed. I've been reborn. Enlightened am I after a year. I remember a year ago on this date. I was sleeping now, (it's 11:44) exhausted from a 36 hour day of planes and rides and sucky airplane food. I think that was one of the worst birthdays I'd ever had. I slept through most of my party with jet lag. But when I think about me now and me then... I'm a lot different. I'm not entirely different, I still have the same interests and hobbies. But things are different now.
There are people who were my friends then, who I'd never talk to now. Or people who I thought I could never talk to, who are my friends now. I can't think of how different my life would be without at least one experience or change. Even if I hadn't seen a certain TV show or been on the computer at a certain time. It's weird how people are always changing. You think you know them, but then they get a new idea or emotion. Then they're never the same. People are never the same. People will never be the same. Change is inevitable. You can't say that you don't miss the way things used to be. You can't not wonder about what would've happened if something had gone differently. Life is a circle. Or a web. Everything leads to another. It's infinite. Even if what you do doesn't have consequences for you, it does for someone else. Life is like a ripple. A wave that doesn't just sweep over you, but everyone around you or connected to you. Everyone who you might come across. You can't control it. It's just.. there.
It's my birthday. I'll never be 12 again. Being 12 is just a memory. Just wanted to express this in the last hour of my birthday. I'll never feel 12 again. I'm opening a new chapter, a new beginning in my life. Things will never be the same again. I'm thirteen and life will take me to new and different places. I'm thirteen.
C'est la vie.
11:50 pm
It's hard to think about.
I've been through so much in my 13th year, that it's strange to start the 14th. (When you turn one, you're actually starting your second one, so saying that you've completed a year of your life.) So many periods of growth and change.. Do you ever think of what would happen if you erased a year of you're life? How much would you lose? Thoughts, wonderings, experiences, friends... One thing I know is that I would never erase the past year. Over the time of being 12, I learned too much to just throw away. I changed my mind about a million times and became a different person than I have been. I've been depressed, I've been ecstatic and lonely and joyful... it's weird. But I liked it. I went through so many changes and stages that if I looked at my self two years ago and looked at me now, I'd be indistinguishable. I mean, I think I look alike, but so many things, other, have changed. I went through loss and understood what it felt like. I've been through wishing and longing. I've missed. I've been reborn. Enlightened am I after a year. I remember a year ago on this date. I was sleeping now, (it's 11:44) exhausted from a 36 hour day of planes and rides and sucky airplane food. I think that was one of the worst birthdays I'd ever had. I slept through most of my party with jet lag. But when I think about me now and me then... I'm a lot different. I'm not entirely different, I still have the same interests and hobbies. But things are different now.
There are people who were my friends then, who I'd never talk to now. Or people who I thought I could never talk to, who are my friends now. I can't think of how different my life would be without at least one experience or change. Even if I hadn't seen a certain TV show or been on the computer at a certain time. It's weird how people are always changing. You think you know them, but then they get a new idea or emotion. Then they're never the same. People are never the same. People will never be the same. Change is inevitable. You can't say that you don't miss the way things used to be. You can't not wonder about what would've happened if something had gone differently. Life is a circle. Or a web. Everything leads to another. It's infinite. Even if what you do doesn't have consequences for you, it does for someone else. Life is like a ripple. A wave that doesn't just sweep over you, but everyone around you or connected to you. Everyone who you might come across. You can't control it. It's just.. there.
It's my birthday. I'll never be 12 again. Being 12 is just a memory. Just wanted to express this in the last hour of my birthday. I'll never feel 12 again. I'm opening a new chapter, a new beginning in my life. Things will never be the same again. I'm thirteen and life will take me to new and different places. I'm thirteen.
C'est la vie.
11:50 pm
Saturday, February 07, 2004
Okay, you know when you make a huge mistake big time? I just did. I usually take pride that I'm kind and courteous to everyone I know and that I don't hold grudges... not since elementary. This doesn't mean I'm going to keep giving more chances out.
But today I went against my own principles. Something that really makes me mad at myself. Well there is a girl who is something of an outcast at our school. Last year, she went through a lot, but in the process she inadvertently made my life a living hell... She did this all in good intention. She was wrong in the way she treated my best friend, sometimes crying when my best friend wanted to hang out with me instead of her. She had no self esteem. She was also something of a joke to us...
I do admit that I was mean and sometimes downright cruel behind her back,(sometimes forgetting that she has feeling) but I should've known better, because I know how it feels to be treated that way. For that, I am truly sorry.
When she came back this year, it was apparent that she was trying to change. Most of it was improvement, because she no longer randomly bursts into tears and she manages to keep a smile on. But she has built up the annoying habit of hugging people, frankly, scaring them and very much disturbing me. It's just that, sometimes when she talks, it seems like she's trying to act cool but it isn't working. She comes across as desperate a lot of the time. She also has told my best friend and me that she likes our crushes, which basically bugs the hell out of me. With the above information before me, sometimes I tend to forget that she still has emotions, just that they aren't as apparent as they were last year. She has gone through a growth and earned acceptance, which I had failed to see.
I think I bugged her a lot today, thinking she wouldn't care. But I now see that I came across obnoxious. And she, never wanting to be deprived of something that someone else has, wanted an opportunity which she made a big deal of. I gave her one of my classic,"Oh my god" phrases and she got really irritated and told me that I'd been putting her down all day and she'd maintained a smile.
I saw at once how horrible it must've felt. And I'm really very sorry... I just wish I could take it back. But now I know not to stray from my principles and ruin someone's day.
But today I went against my own principles. Something that really makes me mad at myself. Well there is a girl who is something of an outcast at our school. Last year, she went through a lot, but in the process she inadvertently made my life a living hell... She did this all in good intention. She was wrong in the way she treated my best friend, sometimes crying when my best friend wanted to hang out with me instead of her. She had no self esteem. She was also something of a joke to us...
I do admit that I was mean and sometimes downright cruel behind her back,(sometimes forgetting that she has feeling) but I should've known better, because I know how it feels to be treated that way. For that, I am truly sorry.
When she came back this year, it was apparent that she was trying to change. Most of it was improvement, because she no longer randomly bursts into tears and she manages to keep a smile on. But she has built up the annoying habit of hugging people, frankly, scaring them and very much disturbing me. It's just that, sometimes when she talks, it seems like she's trying to act cool but it isn't working. She comes across as desperate a lot of the time. She also has told my best friend and me that she likes our crushes, which basically bugs the hell out of me. With the above information before me, sometimes I tend to forget that she still has emotions, just that they aren't as apparent as they were last year. She has gone through a growth and earned acceptance, which I had failed to see.
I think I bugged her a lot today, thinking she wouldn't care. But I now see that I came across obnoxious. And she, never wanting to be deprived of something that someone else has, wanted an opportunity which she made a big deal of. I gave her one of my classic,"Oh my god" phrases and she got really irritated and told me that I'd been putting her down all day and she'd maintained a smile.
I saw at once how horrible it must've felt. And I'm really very sorry... I just wish I could take it back. But now I know not to stray from my principles and ruin someone's day.
Friday, January 23, 2004
I do have a private journal. It's not something I write in from day to day, because I would never be able to keep up. It's just something that I keep my feelings in. The kind I can't share with the world. Now, before you go rummaging through my things, I have to say that I don't have anything incriminating or anything remotely juicy in there. It's just that sometimes, I get very frustrated and I need to vent. I usually say things I don't mean when I vent, so to spare myself the indignity and the emotions of others, I write it down. I very rarely get angry. I believe that anger is a form of insanity, that all people should guard against. I mean, so many things were started with anger. I'm not talking about being pissed. I mean real anger. When you're to the point that you're going to bust with frustration and disappointment and fear. Wars, separations in countries, deaths, poverty.......
When I get angry I usually scream into a pillow and maybe write a song. But when I can't do that I grab my journal and write or sometimes just scribble and then I might write a poem. Well yesterday, I got angry. I mean really angry. I wasn't angry at anyone in particular. I was angry at the world. We are studying world hunger in Family and Consumer Ed (FACE). This is a very sensitive topic for me. I am from India and just recently, like last March, I was there. The poverty had a real effect on me. I can't bare to see people treated that way. When I'm in FACE and we have a discussion about this, I actually tremble and stutter. I've never trembled or stuttered in my life. I am very affected by this and I haven't been able to pay attention in my second period class because of it. But this isn't about me. It's about everyone else.
To me it seems like, everyone else doesn't really care. I mean, they care, but it doesn't truly matter to them. They walk out of the class talking about football, as if the class didn't just happen. As if they didn't just see young girls bawling over how they were so mistreated. It doesn't occur to them that those people in the video could just as easily be them.
I see a lot of people expressing how much they hate thinking about these things. How they wish they didn't have to learn this. Do they really think that all the teacher wants to do is depress them? The purpose is to spread awareness. Unless people know about these know about these things, they won't be able to do anything to prevent it.
When I was done venting, I wrote a poem about it. (It usually wraps it up nicely and allows me to think about something else.) I want to put it here, because this is the only place where it can be shown.
Why was I so Lucky?
That I never saw a parent die
I don't need to beg for money
I don't feel the need to cry
My body was never abused
My heart wasn't broken in two
I'm strong willed and I'm free
My life's lain out for me
Why was I so lucky?
I don't have a life threatening disease
I'm not afraid that I'll freeze
I'm not scared to know that some people know my name
I can be anything I want without any shame
There are people in this world who are afraid to laugh or cry
Afraid to tell their name
Afraid that they will die
Why was I so lucky, that I'm not one of them?
Some people take for granted, how easy life is for them..
When I get angry I usually scream into a pillow and maybe write a song. But when I can't do that I grab my journal and write or sometimes just scribble and then I might write a poem. Well yesterday, I got angry. I mean really angry. I wasn't angry at anyone in particular. I was angry at the world. We are studying world hunger in Family and Consumer Ed (FACE). This is a very sensitive topic for me. I am from India and just recently, like last March, I was there. The poverty had a real effect on me. I can't bare to see people treated that way. When I'm in FACE and we have a discussion about this, I actually tremble and stutter. I've never trembled or stuttered in my life. I am very affected by this and I haven't been able to pay attention in my second period class because of it. But this isn't about me. It's about everyone else.
To me it seems like, everyone else doesn't really care. I mean, they care, but it doesn't truly matter to them. They walk out of the class talking about football, as if the class didn't just happen. As if they didn't just see young girls bawling over how they were so mistreated. It doesn't occur to them that those people in the video could just as easily be them.
I see a lot of people expressing how much they hate thinking about these things. How they wish they didn't have to learn this. Do they really think that all the teacher wants to do is depress them? The purpose is to spread awareness. Unless people know about these know about these things, they won't be able to do anything to prevent it.
When I was done venting, I wrote a poem about it. (It usually wraps it up nicely and allows me to think about something else.) I want to put it here, because this is the only place where it can be shown.
Why was I so Lucky?
That I never saw a parent die
I don't need to beg for money
I don't feel the need to cry
My body was never abused
My heart wasn't broken in two
I'm strong willed and I'm free
My life's lain out for me
Why was I so lucky?
I don't have a life threatening disease
I'm not afraid that I'll freeze
I'm not scared to know that some people know my name
I can be anything I want without any shame
There are people in this world who are afraid to laugh or cry
Afraid to tell their name
Afraid that they will die
Why was I so lucky, that I'm not one of them?
Some people take for granted, how easy life is for them..
Friday, December 26, 2003
Invisible
Whatcha’ doin’ tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Still in your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)
I saw your face in the crowd
I called out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life
Wow, thank you Clay Aiken for that very moving piece. See, if every guy were that sincere, the world would be a better place. Clay is an example for mankind. There's a reason that many girls would give anything to be his girlfriend. It's not because of his looks. It's because he is a man among men. And you know what the best part is? He was a nerd in high school. Gonna make someone sad she turned him down for the prom, huh?
Whatcha’ doin’ tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Still in your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)
I saw your face in the crowd
I called out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life
Wow, thank you Clay Aiken for that very moving piece. See, if every guy were that sincere, the world would be a better place. Clay is an example for mankind. There's a reason that many girls would give anything to be his girlfriend. It's not because of his looks. It's because he is a man among men. And you know what the best part is? He was a nerd in high school. Gonna make someone sad she turned him down for the prom, huh?
Friday, December 05, 2003
Today I was told that I don't understand. That I'll never understand. Because I don't know. But the fact is everyone understands what happens deep down. Everyone feels the same. When your heart is broken, when you lose a friend, when a loved one dies. When you've been rejected, when someone just doesn't care.
That feeling like you're floating on air when you link eyes with him in the hall. The falling of when you're alone and scared. The suffering of when you've been hurt. We've all felt it. We all understand.
Everyone feels the same way, whether you're the most popular person or a lonely and unnoticed outsider. Us, human beings share the same kind of bond, no matter how different we are. We've all been hurt. It's how you deal with it that makes you different. It's how you deal with it that proves who you really are.
That feeling like you're floating on air when you link eyes with him in the hall. The falling of when you're alone and scared. The suffering of when you've been hurt. We've all felt it. We all understand.
Everyone feels the same way, whether you're the most popular person or a lonely and unnoticed outsider. Us, human beings share the same kind of bond, no matter how different we are. We've all been hurt. It's how you deal with it that makes you different. It's how you deal with it that proves who you really are.
Okay, it's December. The "most wonderful time of the year". Oh come on. Exactly what's wonderful about it? You get presents. You get days off school. So? What's the real point of the holidays? How many people really go to church on Christmas? But, I know it's none of my business what people do on Christmas, but what I don't like is how the schools are decorated. Santa Clauses, mini Christmas trees, reindeer... Sorry, but not everyone celebrates it. A school is a place of learning. It's not a place where Einstein is wearing a Santa Claus hat and Frida Kahlo's a character from Dr. Seuss.
Okay, I'll tell the truth. I do celebrate Christmas and I enjoy Christmas music. But I'm equally interested in the celebration of Channukah, Kwanzaa, Diwali (my holiday) and others. But the whole Christmas spirit thing is way overblown. But you can have Christmas spirit! Decorate your homes, eat candy canes, spread tinsel for all I care. But a public learning institution should not be biased towards a certain religion or culture. I mean for God's sake, there are huge Christmas trees in the capitol, the Rockafeller Plaza and everywhere else. It simply isn't fair for a government building to show favoritism among holidays and such. Or if they do feel the need to display their religion, it would be nice if they represented other religions as well. So many Christmas decorations and holiday symbols may make a young child feel less confident about admitting their religion if they are not a Christmas celebrating religion.
The problem is that America is a mainly Christian country and those who aren't are in minority. Therefore, influential areas, like schools, feel that it is okay to display religious icons (not speaking of Jesus figurines, but Christmas symbols such as Santa Clauses and such), though it does not give voice to the minorities in the area. For goodness sake, they made us go see Elf as a reward for doing well. I'm not saying that it was not an enjoyable movie, but it is the principle that is more important. I, therefore conclude that the school would be a less biased religiously and commercial if the school put up winter decorations, but not that of Christmas, because you come to school to be taught in Academics and other necessary areas, but choice of religion should not be influenced by schools.
Okay, I'll tell the truth. I do celebrate Christmas and I enjoy Christmas music. But I'm equally interested in the celebration of Channukah, Kwanzaa, Diwali (my holiday) and others. But the whole Christmas spirit thing is way overblown. But you can have Christmas spirit! Decorate your homes, eat candy canes, spread tinsel for all I care. But a public learning institution should not be biased towards a certain religion or culture. I mean for God's sake, there are huge Christmas trees in the capitol, the Rockafeller Plaza and everywhere else. It simply isn't fair for a government building to show favoritism among holidays and such. Or if they do feel the need to display their religion, it would be nice if they represented other religions as well. So many Christmas decorations and holiday symbols may make a young child feel less confident about admitting their religion if they are not a Christmas celebrating religion.
The problem is that America is a mainly Christian country and those who aren't are in minority. Therefore, influential areas, like schools, feel that it is okay to display religious icons (not speaking of Jesus figurines, but Christmas symbols such as Santa Clauses and such), though it does not give voice to the minorities in the area. For goodness sake, they made us go see Elf as a reward for doing well. I'm not saying that it was not an enjoyable movie, but it is the principle that is more important. I, therefore conclude that the school would be a less biased religiously and commercial if the school put up winter decorations, but not that of Christmas, because you come to school to be taught in Academics and other necessary areas, but choice of religion should not be influenced by schools.
Friday, October 10, 2003
Seer
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla proof that i'm not the only one who thinks i see things that others don't.
12:30 You know, you think you know someone. But then they say or do something seriously unpredictable. There really is more to people than meets the eye.
You go around thinking, They'll never know how I feel. They've never been through this. or you might even think something egotistical. I'm probably the wisest person in this place, because I've been through a lot. Sometimes it might be true. Maybe you are the wisest person in the room. Or maybe they'll never know what you feel like.
You never really stop to think about other peoples' lives. You automatically assume that they're nothing like you or unable to relate. That they've never been through pain. You look at someone from the outside and judge them on the way they act towards you. On the way they look and act right now.
I bet if everyone knew everyone's ulterior motives, they wouldn't think that what they did is so bad.
That's why it really hurts me when someone says, "I've been through a lot more than you have," or "You couldn't possibly know how I feel." How do you know?
Everyone has a past. Everyone has been through pain. It may be the pain of being made fun of for something you can't control. It could be that a loved-one died.
A point that someone made to me was,"You've never had anyone blood-related to you die," What does blood mean, anyway? Why should I have to be blood-related to someone to feel pain if they're gone? I love someone because of who they are and what they do. Not because of their relation.
Today, my friends were depressed because of their lost grandfathers. They kept telling me how I couldn't relate because I haven't lost a grandfather. But I have. He may be alive, but he's not the grandfather I used to have.
My grandfather has a degenerative illness. Most of my family thinks he's depressed. And no one hates it more than I do. I want the grandfather I can talk to and love. Not the grandfather who sits at home all day in bed and fusses whenever someone leaves the house and never goes outside. I think that's just a little bit more painful than having a wonderful grandfather just die. My grandfather used to be wonderful. But now he's in a vegetable state. And everyday, I hope and pray that he'll get better and be happy again. I feel so left out that everyone else has their dad's dad talk to you about what he was like when he was a kid and read you stories. And play with you. But I never had that. I kind of wish that he had died earlier, but had his right state of mind. Then, at least I would have some memories with him.
I wish I could've known him. I wish I could have an intelligent conversation with him and known what he was like. I knew he was a wonderful person. I've listened to tapes of him before he got sick.
Before he got sick. He was a wonderful person before he got sick. He used to chase after my sister on her bike. He didn't know me as me. He knew the little darling baby. "You really have to send us some tapes of our little darling, Aarushi singing. She has such a lovely voice." I heard that on the tape. He also mentioned something about my Dadi (dad's mom) writing her own music and him accompanying her and maybe representing her in a few years. In a few years he got sick.
It just kills me that he had imagined a happy life and ended up in bed. Isolated at home. I just wish it hadn't happened. I mean why him? Why me? I can ask that question forever, but he'll never be the same..
You go around thinking, They'll never know how I feel. They've never been through this. or you might even think something egotistical. I'm probably the wisest person in this place, because I've been through a lot. Sometimes it might be true. Maybe you are the wisest person in the room. Or maybe they'll never know what you feel like.
You never really stop to think about other peoples' lives. You automatically assume that they're nothing like you or unable to relate. That they've never been through pain. You look at someone from the outside and judge them on the way they act towards you. On the way they look and act right now.
I bet if everyone knew everyone's ulterior motives, they wouldn't think that what they did is so bad.
That's why it really hurts me when someone says, "I've been through a lot more than you have," or "You couldn't possibly know how I feel." How do you know?
Everyone has a past. Everyone has been through pain. It may be the pain of being made fun of for something you can't control. It could be that a loved-one died.
A point that someone made to me was,"You've never had anyone blood-related to you die," What does blood mean, anyway? Why should I have to be blood-related to someone to feel pain if they're gone? I love someone because of who they are and what they do. Not because of their relation.
Today, my friends were depressed because of their lost grandfathers. They kept telling me how I couldn't relate because I haven't lost a grandfather. But I have. He may be alive, but he's not the grandfather I used to have.
My grandfather has a degenerative illness. Most of my family thinks he's depressed. And no one hates it more than I do. I want the grandfather I can talk to and love. Not the grandfather who sits at home all day in bed and fusses whenever someone leaves the house and never goes outside. I think that's just a little bit more painful than having a wonderful grandfather just die. My grandfather used to be wonderful. But now he's in a vegetable state. And everyday, I hope and pray that he'll get better and be happy again. I feel so left out that everyone else has their dad's dad talk to you about what he was like when he was a kid and read you stories. And play with you. But I never had that. I kind of wish that he had died earlier, but had his right state of mind. Then, at least I would have some memories with him.
I wish I could've known him. I wish I could have an intelligent conversation with him and known what he was like. I knew he was a wonderful person. I've listened to tapes of him before he got sick.
Before he got sick. He was a wonderful person before he got sick. He used to chase after my sister on her bike. He didn't know me as me. He knew the little darling baby. "You really have to send us some tapes of our little darling, Aarushi singing. She has such a lovely voice." I heard that on the tape. He also mentioned something about my Dadi (dad's mom) writing her own music and him accompanying her and maybe representing her in a few years. In a few years he got sick.
It just kills me that he had imagined a happy life and ended up in bed. Isolated at home. I just wish it hadn't happened. I mean why him? Why me? I can ask that question forever, but he'll never be the same..
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Here I am. I just super-surfed the internet while i was supposed to be researching common houseflies. Forgive me god. It is now 12:00 pm and I have no idea how it became that way. Time flies.
I just wanted to clarify something. I don't hate preps (and/or conformists depending on the situation). I just hate what they represent. I mean I've observed them.
Around the opposite sex they're very very disgustingly flirty. And I cannot stand that. I'm not antisocial and I have be known to flirt. But flirting is like a job for them. And the way they act is really pretensious. There life has no meaning. They just exist, day-by-day. It's all about routine and the gossip and I'm going out with this guy right now but I'm gonna break up with him within the next week. I mean they never truly know each other, because they don't show their true feelings and opinions. I say the word "adept" to a prep and they say "English please!"
I hate how they judge people. They say one word to someone and have a formed opinion. And I've noticed that most preps are the "more attractive" individuals. I've heard them judging others.
To the untrained eye, preps seem like an amazing group of gifted people. How did they get there? Why were they so blessed? I wish I could be like them! But to become "one of them" you have to agree with the group. If you go against the system, you're out. You upset one person. You upset everyone.
I really hate the fact that they automatically go against diversity. I'm not talking about racial diversity. I'm talking about individual diversity. Like they go against me, because I'm different. There are people who I've never said more than two words to talking behind my back. And they call themselves human.
They (speaking in general;there are exceptions) think that just because someone is mean to them, they can be mean right back. They think that just because someone does something differently or looks a certain way gives them license to ridicule. Like take this girl lets just call her uh, J. She is really depressed because she has no friends. They think that because she has occasional emotional melt-downs that they can insult her looks. And do pranks on her. And call her names. And purposely try and make her mad. Do they have any compassion?
And lastly, (because I have to go to bed) they don't see themselves. They don't see how they act. So when they get in trouble for their actions, they blame it on someone else. No, it's the teacher that's mean. Take this guy named well for this purpose, Stuart D. Now Stuart talks in class. I'm talking major disruptions. All the time. He gets about 20 warnings per class period, until finally, poor teacher gives up and hands him a detention. Then he gets all pissy at the teacher. I mean feel bad for the teacher here. I know Stuart was trying to impress people, by being unbearably stupid, but there are other ways.
Sorry for the misspelling and punctuation and grammar errors. It's late and I'm tired.
I just wanted to clarify something. I don't hate preps (and/or conformists depending on the situation). I just hate what they represent. I mean I've observed them.
Around the opposite sex they're very very disgustingly flirty. And I cannot stand that. I'm not antisocial and I have be known to flirt. But flirting is like a job for them. And the way they act is really pretensious. There life has no meaning. They just exist, day-by-day. It's all about routine and the gossip and I'm going out with this guy right now but I'm gonna break up with him within the next week. I mean they never truly know each other, because they don't show their true feelings and opinions. I say the word "adept" to a prep and they say "English please!"
I hate how they judge people. They say one word to someone and have a formed opinion. And I've noticed that most preps are the "more attractive" individuals. I've heard them judging others.
To the untrained eye, preps seem like an amazing group of gifted people. How did they get there? Why were they so blessed? I wish I could be like them! But to become "one of them" you have to agree with the group. If you go against the system, you're out. You upset one person. You upset everyone.
I really hate the fact that they automatically go against diversity. I'm not talking about racial diversity. I'm talking about individual diversity. Like they go against me, because I'm different. There are people who I've never said more than two words to talking behind my back. And they call themselves human.
They (speaking in general;there are exceptions) think that just because someone is mean to them, they can be mean right back. They think that just because someone does something differently or looks a certain way gives them license to ridicule. Like take this girl lets just call her uh, J. She is really depressed because she has no friends. They think that because she has occasional emotional melt-downs that they can insult her looks. And do pranks on her. And call her names. And purposely try and make her mad. Do they have any compassion?
And lastly, (because I have to go to bed) they don't see themselves. They don't see how they act. So when they get in trouble for their actions, they blame it on someone else. No, it's the teacher that's mean. Take this guy named well for this purpose, Stuart D. Now Stuart talks in class. I'm talking major disruptions. All the time. He gets about 20 warnings per class period, until finally, poor teacher gives up and hands him a detention. Then he gets all pissy at the teacher. I mean feel bad for the teacher here. I know Stuart was trying to impress people, by being unbearably stupid, but there are other ways.
Sorry for the misspelling and punctuation and grammar errors. It's late and I'm tired.
Monday, September 29, 2003
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Hello world. Well hello to anyone reading. Once again it's 11:37 central time and I'm writing in my blog. It feels cool. I'm going to make another blog just of my lists. Interesting. Forgive me. It's late. (That excuse is kind of wearing itself thin now, isn't it? Well, forgive me I'm weird.)
Do you wanna know what is really annoying? Ok so I'm walking into Choir. (Now, I don't actually take Choir due to bad management and lack of participation and the fact that nobody there is willing to work as a team. I prefer MYC (Madison Youth Choir) because the people there are actually serious and not just looking for a way to get out of playing an instrument or their mom made them take it. whatever. I mean no mother in their right mind would pay $300 a year for a choir their kid wouldn't participate in. Plus you have to audition to get in.
The only reason I had to go to Choir is because "I have a feeling that this choir will blossom and Mr. Cao is a really wonderful teacher! So do you think you could try it out, maybe today in tutorial. I can fix you're schedule," in the words of Mrs. Piper, our counselor. But my mom says they just need a strong voice in the choir to make the school look good. But I hated Choir last year. Why bring on an endless chain of harrassment and green-eyed classmates if it's not even worth it? I need my tutorials. (*Study hall* )
Okay, anyway I'm walking into Choir and someone who shall remain nameless went, in that tone of voice that says I-obviously-don't-want-you-to-be-in-this-choir-because of-how-you-made-us-all-look-bad-last-year-but-I'm-trying-to-pretend-like-I'm-being-polite-by-laughing-nervously, "You're (giggle) not (giggle) joining choir again, (giggle) are you?" I would've said,"Well, I wouldn't join this choir in a million years if I knew you were going to be in it." But then my best, Sarah says "She's just testing it out," and then mutters something to me; we laugh for a second.
But seriously I get that whole nervous laugh thing all the time. Mostly from my worst enemy. (Now she's not really my worst enemy, in fact she's kind of a friend, but we like to call each other worst enemies, because we're total opposites and well we don't like each others' beliefs. Basically, we're enemies but we have conscience when it matters. But sometimes she goes to me for help. Or rarely, if ever, vice versa.) I can understand if people don't like me, but being like that is really impolite. I would never do that even to she-who-annoys-me-more-than-my-brother-cloned-50-times. (sorry privacy must be protected, with enemies. This is the internet.) It's just mean!! And it makes you feel like, "well now I REALLY love this class." I mean if anyone who's done this is reading this, stop and think before you talk. Lots of decent people would rather not be in the class in with you, but don't express the opinion, because they don't want to be mean. If you do something mean like that, that just makes you the worse person. (That's me, trying to make a point, but kind of making it weird because I'm really really tired and am going to bed.)
Do you wanna know what is really annoying? Ok so I'm walking into Choir. (Now, I don't actually take Choir due to bad management and lack of participation and the fact that nobody there is willing to work as a team. I prefer MYC (Madison Youth Choir) because the people there are actually serious and not just looking for a way to get out of playing an instrument or their mom made them take it. whatever. I mean no mother in their right mind would pay $300 a year for a choir their kid wouldn't participate in. Plus you have to audition to get in.
The only reason I had to go to Choir is because "I have a feeling that this choir will blossom and Mr. Cao is a really wonderful teacher! So do you think you could try it out, maybe today in tutorial. I can fix you're schedule," in the words of Mrs. Piper, our counselor. But my mom says they just need a strong voice in the choir to make the school look good. But I hated Choir last year. Why bring on an endless chain of harrassment and green-eyed classmates if it's not even worth it? I need my tutorials. (*Study hall* )
Okay, anyway I'm walking into Choir and someone who shall remain nameless went, in that tone of voice that says I-obviously-don't-want-you-to-be-in-this-choir-because of-how-you-made-us-all-look-bad-last-year-but-I'm-trying-to-pretend-like-I'm-being-polite-by-laughing-nervously, "You're (giggle) not (giggle) joining choir again, (giggle) are you?" I would've said,"Well, I wouldn't join this choir in a million years if I knew you were going to be in it." But then my best, Sarah says "She's just testing it out," and then mutters something to me; we laugh for a second.
But seriously I get that whole nervous laugh thing all the time. Mostly from my worst enemy. (Now she's not really my worst enemy, in fact she's kind of a friend, but we like to call each other worst enemies, because we're total opposites and well we don't like each others' beliefs. Basically, we're enemies but we have conscience when it matters. But sometimes she goes to me for help. Or rarely, if ever, vice versa.) I can understand if people don't like me, but being like that is really impolite. I would never do that even to she-who-annoys-me-more-than-my-brother-cloned-50-times. (sorry privacy must be protected, with enemies. This is the internet.) It's just mean!! And it makes you feel like, "well now I REALLY love this class." I mean if anyone who's done this is reading this, stop and think before you talk. Lots of decent people would rather not be in the class in with you, but don't express the opinion, because they don't want to be mean. If you do something mean like that, that just makes you the worse person. (That's me, trying to make a point, but kind of making it weird because I'm really really tired and am going to bed.)
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
OMG!!!! The Starbucks Frappucino I had 6 hours ago is wearing off. I have to go to bed.. Sorry.. Don't ask. It feels good to type things and share my thoughts with the world. It's like I have a power. I'm not much for journals. Who wants to keep their lives totally secret?? The problem with diaries is that I always write stuff that I want the whole world to see but then where do I write personal stuff? Okay sorry.. it's late.
Today we're going to talk about everyones favorite subject. Ta-da! My Apparently Non-existent Love Life. Though I have not admitted to crushing on anyone at the moment (besides dear old Rupert Grint), there are a few people I have my eye on. I wouldn't call them crushes. Just those who are interesting enough to have caught my interest. But no one that I really haven't talked to. In fact, those who've I've specifically chosen are the ones who seemed to be interested in me. Even though to most that seems impossible. Don't start guessing though. My subtle interests or whatever you call them are not really obvious. I mean I'd have to tell you for you to really know. And some of them don't go to my school which is of importance to those people who make it their business to know mine. I really think I'm too young to be thinking about singling out anyone at the moment. But right now, I want to keep my options open. I won't restrict myself and I won't have a top 5.
Top five's are really really shallow.. no offense. (For those of you who don't know what a top 5 is, it's a list of guys or girls, guys if you're a girl, vice versa that you like and you rank them according to who you like better,) How degrading is that?
I would never go out with a guy who had a list that said what girl he would want to go out with after me. Who came up with this?
Anyway, though I won't put out who I'm interested in I will tell you that I'm interested in someone. But really if I talk about my personal life, I won't have one.
Top five's are really really shallow.. no offense. (For those of you who don't know what a top 5 is, it's a list of guys or girls, guys if you're a girl, vice versa that you like and you rank them according to who you like better,) How degrading is that?
I would never go out with a guy who had a list that said what girl he would want to go out with after me. Who came up with this?
Anyway, though I won't put out who I'm interested in I will tell you that I'm interested in someone. But really if I talk about my personal life, I won't have one.
Someone read my "little computer diary" and told me it was "umm.. intresting no offence" exact quote. I could point out all the grammatical ��������errors but I feel I don't need to. Needless to say that someone was well, okay at risk of sounding mean or egotistical, a prep. I really like what I write in here and I think that I've got a brilliant and vivid imagination. And really I write in this for me and not for my oh-so-loyal fans. But whatever.
It's impossible to please everyone. Unless you're like the Pope.
It's impossible to please everyone. Unless you're like the Pope.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
People should not judge by age. Age does not tell about the maturity of someone. There can be a grandma with less wisdom than a 12-year-old. Yet no one cares..
If I were allowed to drink alcohol at my age (though I never would drink alcohol as it can be harmful), I so would not drink too much and get high. It's because there is a drinking age that people feel they should drink alcohol.. but nobody listens to me. Nobody thinks that someone of my age and stature could have any valuable thoughts. Because I am simply too young to understand. The world sucks.
If I were allowed to drink alcohol at my age (though I never would drink alcohol as it can be harmful), I so would not drink too much and get high. It's because there is a drinking age that people feel they should drink alcohol.. but nobody listens to me. Nobody thinks that someone of my age and stature could have any valuable thoughts. Because I am simply too young to understand. The world sucks.
The fish died.
I'm depressed now. I saw him floating there yesterday. All white. The new fish who will now be referred to as the evil ones gnawed at him. Why did we have to get new fish? He was happy by himself. When they came, he hid! Poor thing didn't have a chance. Think it might've had something to do with the entire "trial package" of fish food my dad emptied in the tank a little overenthusiastically. Poor little fishy. I'll miss you Casper.
I'm depressed now. I saw him floating there yesterday. All white. The new fish who will now be referred to as the evil ones gnawed at him. Why did we have to get new fish? He was happy by himself. When they came, he hid! Poor thing didn't have a chance. Think it might've had something to do with the entire "trial package" of fish food my dad emptied in the tank a little overenthusiastically. Poor little fishy. I'll miss you Casper.
Monday, September 22, 2003
We had to do a dream vacation thing for school so here's mine. It's very interesting.
My Dream Vacation
Day 1
1. Load my personal jet with all my friends for an unchaperoned trip to England. (This is my fantasy, so don’t expect it to make sense.)
2. Go on the plane for a pleasant ride, watching TV, reading magazines and talking in my beautifully furnished jet.
3. Arrive in London. Go to a grand hotel and get a wonderful suite with 5 beautifully furnished and spacious rooms and a fridge filled with- gasp!- free food.
4. Check what’s coming on Pay-Per-View and watch Pirates of the Caribbean with my best friend, Allie who’s totally in love with Orlando Bloom.
5. Go to sleep in beautiful canopy beds.
Day 2
1. Wake up at 9 am, feeling perfectly refreshed even though we stayed up late watching a movie.
2. Go shopping on the streets of London. (I’m a girl! You can’t expect me to go to another country and not shop!) Luckily, we know everything will fit so we don’t have to tediously try things on. My friends and I pick out lots of cool things. We find these cool flip books and inflatable chairs in this big store on Oxford Street (aka Shopping Central). We’re done shopping in a few hours.
3. We walk to Sainsbury’s and buy some sandwiches for a picnic and some candy for dessert. Are favorites are Nestle Aero bars and Haribo Gummy Mix. (If you’re ever in London, try them!) We have a nice little picnic in St. Andrews Park. We can see the Buckingham Palace from here.
4. We go on a double-decker tourist bus and see the sights. We eventually get off at Westminster Abbey. My friends all freak out when they see the coffins. Elvera keeps going on about evil spirits; she screeches about it until some elderly lady gives her a dirty look.
5. Go back to the hotel and swim in the pool. Then get ready for dinner.
6. Go to dinner at a small Indian restaurant with delicious food.
Day 3
1. Go on London taxi to Parliament. We are on the Tower Bridge and the Queen’s carriage approaches and all traffic is stopped as a royal-looking carriage passes by. We all kind of freak out, well cause she’s the Queen! But then suddenly the carriage swerves and her Majesty the Queen falls out of the carriage and is rolled across the bridge. My friends and I all jump out of the car and run to help the Queen as she struggles to get up and then falls off the bridge! Elvera takes a heroic leap off of the bridge. She lands in the water, but is temporarily stunned and starts sinking. Norah (the swimmer of our group) jumps in the water and with the help of a nice stranger on a motorbike sustains her. They try to sustain the Queen but alas, she’s is too heavy. Sorry your Majesty. Sarah sets the camera on the railing as she and Jessica (track-star of our group) run for help. Allie and I look down at the river frantically. We realize what we have to do (psychic connection- it is so freaky) and we jump in and try as hard as we can to sustain the Queen who’s almost unconscious.
A moment later, we’re joined by Sarah who must’ve come back to help. She is a huge help.
A few long minutes later, a rescue boat arrives and pulls us in. Jessica is on deck, looking frantic, yet relieved as she hugs us. (She doesn’t hug the Queen who is being recessitated.)
When the Queen comes to, she smiles sweetly and invites us to tea.
2. We get cleaned up and go to tea with the Queen. Someone picked up Sarah’s video camera (which was recording when she set it down) and gave it to a police man and we watch the film. (Sarah has this thing about filming car windows.) We watched ourselves struggling in the water. The Queen is very grateful to us (and the nice motorbike guy, Joe) and wants to know how she can repay us. I start to tell her that she doesn’t have to give us anything and that we were happy just to help when Jessica, Allie and Sarah pull me aside. Jessica kindly asks,“Are you nuts Aarushi?!”
“This is the Queen, Aarushi!” says Sarah, exasperatedly.
“I wanna meet Orlando!” says Allie.
We decide that we want to meet the cast of the Harry Potter. Her majesty thinks it can be arranged.
3. We come out of the palace, totally psyched. We take the tube to Guildhall (an acting school that Allie’s obsessed with just because Orlando “Orli” went there). We stand outside and we’re all gawking at it. Then Jessica and Sarah push us all in. We walk inside and it’s beautifully decorated. We get some papers that tell all the boring stuff about the school, when we hear a booming British voice. A man with black curly hair walks into the hallway with a man who is obviously a teacher. The man is talking about coming to visit teachers that inspire him. Allie automatically starts to fall but we all support her and keep her standing. Orlando Bloom was standing in the doorway chatting with (obviously) an old teacher of his. Allie just stood there watching for 5 minutes as the teacher was going back to his duties. Elvera looks at me and then looks at Allie and says,”Oh please, child!” She walks up to Orlando full confidence and says,”My friend over there is in love with you. Go say hi!” Orlando looks slightly taken aback. (People usually look taken aback when they first meet Elvera.) He walks over obligingly.
“Hello...” says Orlando. He looks quite nervous.
“Um.. hi..” says Allie, coming to her senses, “Can I get an autograph?” We get pictures and stuff. We get some pictures with Sarah too. Then I get a cell phone call from one of the Queen’s servants telling me that a car is coming to pick us up to go to the Buckingham Palace to meet the cast of the Harry Potter movie. We bid goodbye to Orlando, (we have to drag Allie,) and make our way back to the palace.
4. We arrive at the palace and are allowed in by the guards in front. There are so many reporters trying to talk to us but we’re all being shepherded in, which is a great disappointment to Elvera and Sarah. We rush into the palace and see it but can’t really believe it. The whole cast of Harry Potter! There stood Emma Watson (Hermione), Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter), Rupert Grint (Ron) and so many more. We chat for a while about the saving the Queen and things. We get lots of pictures. I got Tom Felton’s (Draco) autograph for a friend of mine, back home. We hit it off really well with Rupert who Allie admits is way cuter in person. Norah and Emma stand next to each other and they actually do look alike. I even get a picture with Alan Rickman (Snape) just to be dangerous. Elvera keeps asking why she wasn’t in the movie. Jessica gets it all on tape.
5. We reach the end of our trip. Her majesty was nice enough to get her servants to load our jet for us. She welcomes us back to England anytime and hopes we don’t get into too much trouble.
My Dream Vacation
Day 1
1. Load my personal jet with all my friends for an unchaperoned trip to England. (This is my fantasy, so don’t expect it to make sense.)
2. Go on the plane for a pleasant ride, watching TV, reading magazines and talking in my beautifully furnished jet.
3. Arrive in London. Go to a grand hotel and get a wonderful suite with 5 beautifully furnished and spacious rooms and a fridge filled with- gasp!- free food.
4. Check what’s coming on Pay-Per-View and watch Pirates of the Caribbean with my best friend, Allie who’s totally in love with Orlando Bloom.
5. Go to sleep in beautiful canopy beds.
Day 2
1. Wake up at 9 am, feeling perfectly refreshed even though we stayed up late watching a movie.
2. Go shopping on the streets of London. (I’m a girl! You can’t expect me to go to another country and not shop!) Luckily, we know everything will fit so we don’t have to tediously try things on. My friends and I pick out lots of cool things. We find these cool flip books and inflatable chairs in this big store on Oxford Street (aka Shopping Central). We’re done shopping in a few hours.
3. We walk to Sainsbury’s and buy some sandwiches for a picnic and some candy for dessert. Are favorites are Nestle Aero bars and Haribo Gummy Mix. (If you’re ever in London, try them!) We have a nice little picnic in St. Andrews Park. We can see the Buckingham Palace from here.
4. We go on a double-decker tourist bus and see the sights. We eventually get off at Westminster Abbey. My friends all freak out when they see the coffins. Elvera keeps going on about evil spirits; she screeches about it until some elderly lady gives her a dirty look.
5. Go back to the hotel and swim in the pool. Then get ready for dinner.
6. Go to dinner at a small Indian restaurant with delicious food.
Day 3
1. Go on London taxi to Parliament. We are on the Tower Bridge and the Queen’s carriage approaches and all traffic is stopped as a royal-looking carriage passes by. We all kind of freak out, well cause she’s the Queen! But then suddenly the carriage swerves and her Majesty the Queen falls out of the carriage and is rolled across the bridge. My friends and I all jump out of the car and run to help the Queen as she struggles to get up and then falls off the bridge! Elvera takes a heroic leap off of the bridge. She lands in the water, but is temporarily stunned and starts sinking. Norah (the swimmer of our group) jumps in the water and with the help of a nice stranger on a motorbike sustains her. They try to sustain the Queen but alas, she’s is too heavy. Sorry your Majesty. Sarah sets the camera on the railing as she and Jessica (track-star of our group) run for help. Allie and I look down at the river frantically. We realize what we have to do (psychic connection- it is so freaky) and we jump in and try as hard as we can to sustain the Queen who’s almost unconscious.
A moment later, we’re joined by Sarah who must’ve come back to help. She is a huge help.
A few long minutes later, a rescue boat arrives and pulls us in. Jessica is on deck, looking frantic, yet relieved as she hugs us. (She doesn’t hug the Queen who is being recessitated.)
When the Queen comes to, she smiles sweetly and invites us to tea.
2. We get cleaned up and go to tea with the Queen. Someone picked up Sarah’s video camera (which was recording when she set it down) and gave it to a police man and we watch the film. (Sarah has this thing about filming car windows.) We watched ourselves struggling in the water. The Queen is very grateful to us (and the nice motorbike guy, Joe) and wants to know how she can repay us. I start to tell her that she doesn’t have to give us anything and that we were happy just to help when Jessica, Allie and Sarah pull me aside. Jessica kindly asks,“Are you nuts Aarushi?!”
“This is the Queen, Aarushi!” says Sarah, exasperatedly.
“I wanna meet Orlando!” says Allie.
We decide that we want to meet the cast of the Harry Potter. Her majesty thinks it can be arranged.
3. We come out of the palace, totally psyched. We take the tube to Guildhall (an acting school that Allie’s obsessed with just because Orlando “Orli” went there). We stand outside and we’re all gawking at it. Then Jessica and Sarah push us all in. We walk inside and it’s beautifully decorated. We get some papers that tell all the boring stuff about the school, when we hear a booming British voice. A man with black curly hair walks into the hallway with a man who is obviously a teacher. The man is talking about coming to visit teachers that inspire him. Allie automatically starts to fall but we all support her and keep her standing. Orlando Bloom was standing in the doorway chatting with (obviously) an old teacher of his. Allie just stood there watching for 5 minutes as the teacher was going back to his duties. Elvera looks at me and then looks at Allie and says,”Oh please, child!” She walks up to Orlando full confidence and says,”My friend over there is in love with you. Go say hi!” Orlando looks slightly taken aback. (People usually look taken aback when they first meet Elvera.) He walks over obligingly.
“Hello...” says Orlando. He looks quite nervous.
“Um.. hi..” says Allie, coming to her senses, “Can I get an autograph?” We get pictures and stuff. We get some pictures with Sarah too. Then I get a cell phone call from one of the Queen’s servants telling me that a car is coming to pick us up to go to the Buckingham Palace to meet the cast of the Harry Potter movie. We bid goodbye to Orlando, (we have to drag Allie,) and make our way back to the palace.
4. We arrive at the palace and are allowed in by the guards in front. There are so many reporters trying to talk to us but we’re all being shepherded in, which is a great disappointment to Elvera and Sarah. We rush into the palace and see it but can’t really believe it. The whole cast of Harry Potter! There stood Emma Watson (Hermione), Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter), Rupert Grint (Ron) and so many more. We chat for a while about the saving the Queen and things. We get lots of pictures. I got Tom Felton’s (Draco) autograph for a friend of mine, back home. We hit it off really well with Rupert who Allie admits is way cuter in person. Norah and Emma stand next to each other and they actually do look alike. I even get a picture with Alan Rickman (Snape) just to be dangerous. Elvera keeps asking why she wasn’t in the movie. Jessica gets it all on tape.
5. We reach the end of our trip. Her majesty was nice enough to get her servants to load our jet for us. She welcomes us back to England anytime and hopes we don’t get into too much trouble.
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