Sexism in Practice
Papa: Aarushi, Load the dishwasher. I've done my part and fed you. Now you have to do your part and clean up the kitchen.
Aarushi: ...But Chet's being fed too...
Papa: But you're the girl!
(Papa exits. Chet has a wide grin on his face. Aarushi pouts.)
End Scene.
Seeing a future for all that's in shreds, that's where all of my travels have led.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
I think it would benefit you all to watch the new Franz Ferdinand music video for "Eleanor, Put Your Boots On". It's a bit different from the CD version on You Could Have it So Much Better, but I think it's worth it.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Have successfully convinced little brother, Chet, to learn to play drums in school.
"Everyone needs rhythm, Chet! Believe me, they're essential. Do you know how many bands don't have drummers? You can be like KEITH MOON. DON'T YOU WANNA BE LIKE KEITH MOON? See that Chet! Look at him, isn't he impressive? Don't you wanna be like him? Oh my god, Chet.. even a capella groups need a drummer. Anyone can sing, but don't you want to drum?"
Until he was like "OKAY. I'LL DO IT."
yes. he's gonna be a rockstar !
"Everyone needs rhythm, Chet! Believe me, they're essential. Do you know how many bands don't have drummers? You can be like KEITH MOON. DON'T YOU WANNA BE LIKE KEITH MOON? See that Chet! Look at him, isn't he impressive? Don't you wanna be like him? Oh my god, Chet.. even a capella groups need a drummer. Anyone can sing, but don't you want to drum?"
Until he was like "OKAY. I'LL DO IT."
yes. he's gonna be a rockstar !
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Just one thing.
Lindsay Lohan on a Proactive Commercial. (embed screwed up my layout.)
What's bullshit about this?
Lindsay Lohan on a Proactive Commercial. (embed screwed up my layout.)
What's bullshit about this?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
i need a hero...
Don't you wish that just one person could save the world? That one person can just see what's wrong and take responsibility, while civilians could just watch in appreciation?
Unfortunately, life's not like that. Because there is more than one evil. And instead of facing helpful admiring bystanders, today's heroes are facing hoards of people who try to hurt them and break their spirits. These heroes have to fight, not only the evil monsters of poverty and discrimination and injustice, but also the people who feel as if the injustice needs to be there. And little can be expected of these few mighty heroes who are working alone, because in order for anything to really be saved, everyone has to play the hero.
The weight of the world is on everyone's shoulders. But will everyone find the strength to fight?
Thursday, June 08, 2006
I found an effective way to study for history:
Why the 1920s were cool/important
• -flapper skirts
• -Women’s liberation
• -jazz & black people!
o Harlem renaissance- Louis Armstrong & Zora Neale Hurston & Langston Hughes
o Black people started loving themselves
• -people actually like going to school.
• The north finally gets some black people. <3
• -speakeasies
o c’mon you know it was the bee’s knees
• -ban on alcohol abuseË more alcohol abuse
o gangsta-ism ‡ Al Pacino
• -it was when it became okay to hate Russians & Italians. (kidding. Geez)
o -Red Scare‡ Sacco & Venzetti- “If you could execute me 2 times and I could be reborn two other times. I would live again to do what I have done already.” –Bartolomeo Venzetti
• When “going on strike” wasn’t lame or cliché
o Boston Police Strike- police want raises. Police don’t get a raise cuz Calvin doesn’t like people who demand what they want. Calvin replaces them and gives the new workers their benefits.
o Steel Mill Strike- US steel corporation (sep 1919)‡ workers are pissed cuz working conditions suck. No one wanted to stop so the wickedness went on until January despite pleas from Woodrow himself‡ labor unions had bad images thanks to big corporations’ propaganda
o Coal Miners’ Strike- successful 27% increase in wage
o But unfortunately, labor movements lose appeal cuz people were immigrants & immigrants can’t exactly say “Qu’est-ce que nous desirons? L’argent beaucoup!” when the person next to them is like “yo man. I want some money. Please?” Farmers were used to self reliance. Oh yeah, and labor people didn’t like black people.
• All we hear is Radio Ga-Ga
• We also like Magazines and Newspapers‡ cuz now we can all read.
• Cities are cool now. But you know, not everyone fits in. sigh
But then there was that thing that everyone liked, but kind of didn’t trust. It was called… a credit card.
Why the 1920s were cool/important
• -flapper skirts
• -Women’s liberation
• -jazz & black people!
o Harlem renaissance- Louis Armstrong & Zora Neale Hurston & Langston Hughes
o Black people started loving themselves
• -people actually like going to school.
• The north finally gets some black people. <3
• -speakeasies
o c’mon you know it was the bee’s knees
• -ban on alcohol abuseË more alcohol abuse
o gangsta-ism ‡ Al Pacino
• -it was when it became okay to hate Russians & Italians. (kidding. Geez)
o -Red Scare‡ Sacco & Venzetti- “If you could execute me 2 times and I could be reborn two other times. I would live again to do what I have done already.” –Bartolomeo Venzetti
• When “going on strike” wasn’t lame or cliché
o Boston Police Strike- police want raises. Police don’t get a raise cuz Calvin doesn’t like people who demand what they want. Calvin replaces them and gives the new workers their benefits.
o Steel Mill Strike- US steel corporation (sep 1919)‡ workers are pissed cuz working conditions suck. No one wanted to stop so the wickedness went on until January despite pleas from Woodrow himself‡ labor unions had bad images thanks to big corporations’ propaganda
o Coal Miners’ Strike- successful 27% increase in wage
o But unfortunately, labor movements lose appeal cuz people were immigrants & immigrants can’t exactly say “Qu’est-ce que nous desirons? L’argent beaucoup!” when the person next to them is like “yo man. I want some money. Please?” Farmers were used to self reliance. Oh yeah, and labor people didn’t like black people.
• All we hear is Radio Ga-Ga
• We also like Magazines and Newspapers‡ cuz now we can all read.
• Cities are cool now. But you know, not everyone fits in. sigh
But then there was that thing that everyone liked, but kind of didn’t trust. It was called… a credit card.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Late Night Adventures
I live in a new neighborhood now. Everything about it is new. My house, the people, the parks. They're all only about 5 years out of mint condition. I've acquired new things that I didn't expect from this neighborhood, a bus pass, a special friend, a new appreciation for wide roads and a fetish for cutesy road names like "Shadow Wood", "Eagle Wood",and so on and so forth.
Today, while exploring the neighborhood, me and my boyfriend and my little brother and his little sister were at one of the parks. I had the best time. The sun was setting and it was pretty and we walked home the long way, partially because we were lost. While the sun was setting my dad called my phone and I said we'd be home soon.
I went home and had little homework done by midnight. (when you have a long list, and the assignments take like 3 hours each... it can get difficult..) So I was just about to set my alarms and then I realized I couldn't find my cell phone. I called it incessantly. I asked my mother where it was (yeah, she was on the couch at 1 in the morning half asleep) and she had no clue. I asked my dad who also was similarly bewildered.
So we went out into the middle of the night, around our dark neighborhood with a flashlight. I, at first, tried to do the stupid thing and retrace all my steps backward from the park. My dad, using a lot of profane language, suggested we head straight to the park, while giving me lecture #741 which consists of "I can't believe you would do this... No regard... Absent minded... you don't ever think".. The park that I went to is hidden behind a grassy hill, so it took us forever to locate it.
And then I had a vague memory of Annie asking to use it on the way home, and me pulling it out. So I told my dad, after we had walked through the park that I was sure I dropped it walking home. But then my dad insisted that he had heard some kind of chemical beep that only comes from a missed call on our intrusive cellphones. We called the phone and I heard the faintest tones of "New Slang" by the Shins and I almost still believed that it must be on a sidewalk in the near distance, but then he called again and I walked further into the grass. I heard it louder. It was almost eerie. (It was 1:15: everything's eerie at 1:15) We went back to where we had just been, but thanks to the sound of my very distinctive ringtone that I had kept on Loud because I'm prepared for these types of situations, we found it right there by the wall where we'd just looked, but the gosh darn cellphone is black, so you'd never be able to tell.
We were both excited at how cool that was. I'm really happy that I live in a neighborhood where the parks are abandoned after 8 o'clock. I'm glad my cell phone didn't die or anything out in the cold. But my dad insisted on saying "I told you so," and "You were going to make us retrace all your steps" and "Why is it that common sense is so uncommon?" I protested by telling my father that it's a little harder to think on your feet when your dad is lecturing, and he shot me down saying that I should be able to channel out his lectures.
And because of this, I know there's life outside homework at 1AM. Although I still have 2 more assignments to complete. :P
I live in a new neighborhood now. Everything about it is new. My house, the people, the parks. They're all only about 5 years out of mint condition. I've acquired new things that I didn't expect from this neighborhood, a bus pass, a special friend, a new appreciation for wide roads and a fetish for cutesy road names like "Shadow Wood", "Eagle Wood",and so on and so forth.
Today, while exploring the neighborhood, me and my boyfriend and my little brother and his little sister were at one of the parks. I had the best time. The sun was setting and it was pretty and we walked home the long way, partially because we were lost. While the sun was setting my dad called my phone and I said we'd be home soon.
I went home and had little homework done by midnight. (when you have a long list, and the assignments take like 3 hours each... it can get difficult..) So I was just about to set my alarms and then I realized I couldn't find my cell phone. I called it incessantly. I asked my mother where it was (yeah, she was on the couch at 1 in the morning half asleep) and she had no clue. I asked my dad who also was similarly bewildered.
So we went out into the middle of the night, around our dark neighborhood with a flashlight. I, at first, tried to do the stupid thing and retrace all my steps backward from the park. My dad, using a lot of profane language, suggested we head straight to the park, while giving me lecture #741 which consists of "I can't believe you would do this... No regard... Absent minded... you don't ever think".. The park that I went to is hidden behind a grassy hill, so it took us forever to locate it.
And then I had a vague memory of Annie asking to use it on the way home, and me pulling it out. So I told my dad, after we had walked through the park that I was sure I dropped it walking home. But then my dad insisted that he had heard some kind of chemical beep that only comes from a missed call on our intrusive cellphones. We called the phone and I heard the faintest tones of "New Slang" by the Shins and I almost still believed that it must be on a sidewalk in the near distance, but then he called again and I walked further into the grass. I heard it louder. It was almost eerie. (It was 1:15: everything's eerie at 1:15) We went back to where we had just been, but thanks to the sound of my very distinctive ringtone that I had kept on Loud because I'm prepared for these types of situations, we found it right there by the wall where we'd just looked, but the gosh darn cellphone is black, so you'd never be able to tell.
We were both excited at how cool that was. I'm really happy that I live in a neighborhood where the parks are abandoned after 8 o'clock. I'm glad my cell phone didn't die or anything out in the cold. But my dad insisted on saying "I told you so," and "You were going to make us retrace all your steps" and "Why is it that common sense is so uncommon?" I protested by telling my father that it's a little harder to think on your feet when your dad is lecturing, and he shot me down saying that I should be able to channel out his lectures.
And because of this, I know there's life outside homework at 1AM. Although I still have 2 more assignments to complete. :P
Monday, May 22, 2006
My back really hurts. I hate when I fall asleep on the couch.
I never fall asleep in some place comfortable. I don't even pick the comfortable couch. I always fall asleep on the short couch, where in order to be comfortable, you have to rest your knees on the armrest and then you wake up and you're aching all over and your back in a funny position and you're like, "What the fuck? Why didn't I pick the comfortable couch? Why didn't I walk up the stairs and go to sleep in my bed? I'm so going to do that next time." But of course, you never do, because at the moment, it's the uncomfortable couch that you involuntarily succumb to. At that moment, you get a flicker of reason, but the sleep is too loud to re-assess your decision. People should never be expected to make decisions when they're tired.
I actually read somewhere that you should never make a decision when you're lying down, because that's when you're most vulnerable and likely to make a decision you'll regret. It's scary but it's actually true. My thoughts so easily shift into the gutter or into a perplexed fantasy state if I'm lying down and trying to figure out what to do. Everything seems so simple when you're lying down... kind of lke you're looking up at the whole world. And so you make all of these ingenius plans... and then you fall asleep. And everything you thought of seems so stupid upon reflection. Sometimes I think that that's just me, tricking myself into believing that my ideas are ludicrous after I conceive them. Because as soon as I stand up, passive aggressive Rushi kicks in. And all of my me-related thoughts get kicked out.
I never fall asleep in some place comfortable. I don't even pick the comfortable couch. I always fall asleep on the short couch, where in order to be comfortable, you have to rest your knees on the armrest and then you wake up and you're aching all over and your back in a funny position and you're like, "What the fuck? Why didn't I pick the comfortable couch? Why didn't I walk up the stairs and go to sleep in my bed? I'm so going to do that next time." But of course, you never do, because at the moment, it's the uncomfortable couch that you involuntarily succumb to. At that moment, you get a flicker of reason, but the sleep is too loud to re-assess your decision. People should never be expected to make decisions when they're tired.
I actually read somewhere that you should never make a decision when you're lying down, because that's when you're most vulnerable and likely to make a decision you'll regret. It's scary but it's actually true. My thoughts so easily shift into the gutter or into a perplexed fantasy state if I'm lying down and trying to figure out what to do. Everything seems so simple when you're lying down... kind of lke you're looking up at the whole world. And so you make all of these ingenius plans... and then you fall asleep. And everything you thought of seems so stupid upon reflection. Sometimes I think that that's just me, tricking myself into believing that my ideas are ludicrous after I conceive them. Because as soon as I stand up, passive aggressive Rushi kicks in. And all of my me-related thoughts get kicked out.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
I think I'm seriously considering getting psychological help.
Today I cried over my bed.
Well actually over my room. I don't know why.
We've recently moved into a new house. This is everything that we've been working towards for the past 2 years. My parents have been obsessed with my new house, always stressed out, always burdened by finances. And now we finally live here.
We still have to pay two mortgages until our other house gets sold.
But yeah. I had to move school districts in September and start going to Memorial High School, which, yeah, was an adjustment.
I'm pretty much in my routine and have made friends, and all that jazz, but...I don't know.
I feel like I don't know myself at all anymore. I used to be so completely sure of myself all the time. Now I'm uncertain and unconfident and I have about 50 inferiority complexes and I'm passive aggressive and I've discovered that I actually do things subconsciously to make myself fail.
and so, today... the third or so day that i'm spending the night at my new house.. my dad tried to move my bed.
I've been sleeping right next to a window, which my mother has been complaining about because she's had disturbing dreams about people falling out of windows and my dad came to my room unannounced, and yeah, I haven't even done my homework yet and he just came in, upsetting my peace and went, "We have to move your bed." and then he put it at this ridiculous diagonal and I can't even think in my room in the first place and I don't know why, I got sooo angry. I made him go away and close the door and moved my bed back against the wall and moved my shelf to the other side of the room and moved my boom box.
I was overcome by this feeling of being overwhelmed by life. And whenever I feel overwhelmed or freaked out, I have no idea where to turn or what I'm even talking about anymore. I feel so unsafe and like I can't reach anyone who'll make me feel secure. One person, all year, has made me feel secure... but that completely backfired and... I don't think I'll ever be completely safe again. And I keep analyzing myself and feeling unable to do anything I don't feel like doing or even talk to people who I like. I'm not depressed or anything... I'm just anxious.
And I'm really sick of dealing with it myself. I feel like I might implode. I really really want to be psychoanalyzed..because I'd really like to know how to fix myself.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Is it possible to be a human being and not screw oneself over?
It seems as if no matter how hard people try to make things go as planned, their own preventive measures always fuck it up anyway. Not worrying doesn't work either.
For example, a person finds that when they stop paying attention or obsessing over something, the most success is gained. Suddenly they're relieved of their worries. So they go around, not paying attention and not obsessing. And now that they've stopped, they mess themselves up because they didn't pay enough attention. It's as if the human is doomed to fail from the start and the more they want something, or strive to gain it, the more difficult it becomes.
Is it all mental?
One would think so. People convince themselves that they can't do things and then never are able to, because of their own convictions. But other times, people are confident and sure of themselves.... and then are sadly surprised. '
Can everything we desire be achieved? Or are there just some things that we have to learn to live without mastering and try and work around difficulties? Like Geometry or Hand-eye coordination...
Is there a limit to how much a human can actually be able to do?
It seems as if no matter how hard people try to make things go as planned, their own preventive measures always fuck it up anyway. Not worrying doesn't work either.
For example, a person finds that when they stop paying attention or obsessing over something, the most success is gained. Suddenly they're relieved of their worries. So they go around, not paying attention and not obsessing. And now that they've stopped, they mess themselves up because they didn't pay enough attention. It's as if the human is doomed to fail from the start and the more they want something, or strive to gain it, the more difficult it becomes.
Is it all mental?
One would think so. People convince themselves that they can't do things and then never are able to, because of their own convictions. But other times, people are confident and sure of themselves.... and then are sadly surprised. '
Can everything we desire be achieved? Or are there just some things that we have to learn to live without mastering and try and work around difficulties? Like Geometry or Hand-eye coordination...
Is there a limit to how much a human can actually be able to do?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
my impromptu speech
"when you're not in love, or you don't have love, everyone you know falls in love on like the same day. "-dane cook
i agree. why is that? why the fuck?
this is stupid. that is so incredibly dumb. why does that always happen?
sometimes i feel like there's a new law like the law of energy, like.. love is never destroyed or created, just like.. moved from place to place or transformed.
like.. not everyone can be happy at the same time so one person has to stop being happy in order for another one to gain happiness. maybe that's what love's like.
not fair.
"when you're not in love, or you don't have love, everyone you know falls in love on like the same day. "-dane cook
i agree. why is that? why the fuck?
this is stupid. that is so incredibly dumb. why does that always happen?
sometimes i feel like there's a new law like the law of energy, like.. love is never destroyed or created, just like.. moved from place to place or transformed.
like.. not everyone can be happy at the same time so one person has to stop being happy in order for another one to gain happiness. maybe that's what love's like.
not fair.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Do you ever get that horrible disliked emotion?
Like a perfectly normal, not very signifigant, random, maybe even tiny, person doesn't like you.. and you can't do anything about it..
and it just burns inside of you. And it's only because you did something inexplicably wrong, maybe, once.. in your life, and you're paying for it forever, because they don't like you. And they're perfectly okay not liking you. And they're perfectly fine, liking all of your friends and being nice to everyone, just that you have that special, horrible, dislikable quality.
It's like an opposite of someone having a crush on you. It's like someone having an anti-crush on you.. They dislike you for some reason, and you don't know what.
And you're one of those people, who can't live with themselves if they find themself disliking anyone or anything, because you feel mean, and like you're a bad person, so you going around.. thinking the best thoughts about everyone, recognizing everyone's fantastic qualities. And just feeling that little pang of heartbreak, when you know that they don't recognize anything in you. That you don't really matter to them in anyway. That your existence is unimportant.. and when you know, you'd go out of your way to help them, they'd just walk on by without even seeing.
...and it hurts. because you don't remember doing anything wrong.. and you don't know how it can change. and you wonder what's wrong with you, that makes you so unspecial, so... undeserving of people's neutral feelings toward you. It's not even that you need to be liked.. only to be considered of decent character, of decent interestingness.
But even that, is a charity, and a rare one at that.
Like a perfectly normal, not very signifigant, random, maybe even tiny, person doesn't like you.. and you can't do anything about it..
and it just burns inside of you. And it's only because you did something inexplicably wrong, maybe, once.. in your life, and you're paying for it forever, because they don't like you. And they're perfectly okay not liking you. And they're perfectly fine, liking all of your friends and being nice to everyone, just that you have that special, horrible, dislikable quality.
It's like an opposite of someone having a crush on you. It's like someone having an anti-crush on you.. They dislike you for some reason, and you don't know what.
And you're one of those people, who can't live with themselves if they find themself disliking anyone or anything, because you feel mean, and like you're a bad person, so you going around.. thinking the best thoughts about everyone, recognizing everyone's fantastic qualities. And just feeling that little pang of heartbreak, when you know that they don't recognize anything in you. That you don't really matter to them in anyway. That your existence is unimportant.. and when you know, you'd go out of your way to help them, they'd just walk on by without even seeing.
...and it hurts. because you don't remember doing anything wrong.. and you don't know how it can change. and you wonder what's wrong with you, that makes you so unspecial, so... undeserving of people's neutral feelings toward you. It's not even that you need to be liked.. only to be considered of decent character, of decent interestingness.
But even that, is a charity, and a rare one at that.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Since my sister is the coolest person ever, she got a job at CitiGroup in New York... because she completely blew these guys away with her interview.And like, this was like, this huge deal, and she got picked out of so many people. and they hired her practically on the spot.
She makes me soooooo proud. and she's totally achieving all of her dreams
and when I grow up I want to be just like her.
except I don't like banks.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Life, as of late, has become too much of a chore to live. Though I try as hard as I might to find some meaning in every day, to figure out what to do next, and to revel in my personal problems, and to keep doing things that I love... it all boils down to a question, "For what?"
Lately, my life has just been a quest to keep myself entertained. This is probably because my recent social structure and way of life has been shaken off of its hinges. And I have no idea what to do now. So I am reverting back to an old precedent, set back in the days of Core Knowledge Charter School... Just focus on school.
This proves to be a lot more difficult than planned as it is a stressful topic, to say the least. I'm so so so afraid of my future, and what I'm going to do with my life. Suddenly it feels as if I'm expected to get a career tomorrow.. and I don't know whether to be a journalist or a psychoanalyst or a musician. Music-wise I am unsure. I have to pick a genre. I'm too eclectic for my own damn good. I mean, sure, fine. I pick rock. But rock itself is divided into millions of sub categories, and do I like Classic better? Or do I like Modern? And what about my parents and what they like? They hate modern rock. I think.
And journalism is so tough. And everyone wants to be a journalist, and who am I to think I'm better than anyone else?
And I'm not completely sure what a psychoanalyst is. I mean, they analyze and that's what I'm good at I guess.
My dad wants me to be a doctor along with the entire rest of the Indian population plus all the people who are projecting things for the years to come. There are not enough people being trained for medical professions and there will soon be a demand for people who are qualified to fill them, so therefore, the doctor salary will go up. My father says that if I wish to be comfortable in the coming shaky years, I should really go into medicine as it is a noble profession that would require all my skills. And the crazy thing is, it doesn't seem to be such a bad idea. He makes it seem like they need me.
But in order to even think of my future, I need to be getting good grades so I can get into good classes. But I'm living on a prayer in geometry. All these classes are so interesting that will benefit me like, Efficient Reading, and Medical Occupations and Math Chemistry and English TAG but I'm scared to death that I'll have no life or no time to deal with any of it.
Geometry is so scary. I just keep dreaming of right triangles... a squared plus b squared equals c squared. and then I start doing a squared multiplied by b squared= c squared. and that's wrong. but my mind is so fried on everything, everything, everything. it just.. never stops. I always have some kind of Geometry to do and it just nags at me.. and makes me feel bad. And I can never really pinpoint the problem, because I can always partially understand what's going on. It's just.. I fall short in some place. And I don't know where. And there's no one willing to commit time to help me.. and it seems too big of an effort to get a school tutor, as I'll have to go meet them and they'll teach me the things I understand over and over and over and the things I don't get, which are more subtle, will fall at the wayside, and it won't help my grade any....
and every time I wake up from a right triangle dream, I don't want to, because then I realize I have to do Geometry. And my mind is just a maze of shapes and numbers and theorums and formulas and slopes...
and I want out. now.
Lately, my life has just been a quest to keep myself entertained. This is probably because my recent social structure and way of life has been shaken off of its hinges. And I have no idea what to do now. So I am reverting back to an old precedent, set back in the days of Core Knowledge Charter School... Just focus on school.
This proves to be a lot more difficult than planned as it is a stressful topic, to say the least. I'm so so so afraid of my future, and what I'm going to do with my life. Suddenly it feels as if I'm expected to get a career tomorrow.. and I don't know whether to be a journalist or a psychoanalyst or a musician. Music-wise I am unsure. I have to pick a genre. I'm too eclectic for my own damn good. I mean, sure, fine. I pick rock. But rock itself is divided into millions of sub categories, and do I like Classic better? Or do I like Modern? And what about my parents and what they like? They hate modern rock. I think.
And journalism is so tough. And everyone wants to be a journalist, and who am I to think I'm better than anyone else?
And I'm not completely sure what a psychoanalyst is. I mean, they analyze and that's what I'm good at I guess.
My dad wants me to be a doctor along with the entire rest of the Indian population plus all the people who are projecting things for the years to come. There are not enough people being trained for medical professions and there will soon be a demand for people who are qualified to fill them, so therefore, the doctor salary will go up. My father says that if I wish to be comfortable in the coming shaky years, I should really go into medicine as it is a noble profession that would require all my skills. And the crazy thing is, it doesn't seem to be such a bad idea. He makes it seem like they need me.
But in order to even think of my future, I need to be getting good grades so I can get into good classes. But I'm living on a prayer in geometry. All these classes are so interesting that will benefit me like, Efficient Reading, and Medical Occupations and Math Chemistry and English TAG but I'm scared to death that I'll have no life or no time to deal with any of it.
Geometry is so scary. I just keep dreaming of right triangles... a squared plus b squared equals c squared. and then I start doing a squared multiplied by b squared= c squared. and that's wrong. but my mind is so fried on everything, everything, everything. it just.. never stops. I always have some kind of Geometry to do and it just nags at me.. and makes me feel bad. And I can never really pinpoint the problem, because I can always partially understand what's going on. It's just.. I fall short in some place. And I don't know where. And there's no one willing to commit time to help me.. and it seems too big of an effort to get a school tutor, as I'll have to go meet them and they'll teach me the things I understand over and over and over and the things I don't get, which are more subtle, will fall at the wayside, and it won't help my grade any....
and every time I wake up from a right triangle dream, I don't want to, because then I realize I have to do Geometry. And my mind is just a maze of shapes and numbers and theorums and formulas and slopes...
and I want out. now.
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