Friday, January 23, 2004

I do have a private journal. It's not something I write in from day to day, because I would never be able to keep up. It's just something that I keep my feelings in. The kind I can't share with the world. Now, before you go rummaging through my things, I have to say that I don't have anything incriminating or anything remotely juicy in there. It's just that sometimes, I get very frustrated and I need to vent. I usually say things I don't mean when I vent, so to spare myself the indignity and the emotions of others, I write it down. I very rarely get angry. I believe that anger is a form of insanity, that all people should guard against. I mean, so many things were started with anger. I'm not talking about being pissed. I mean real anger. When you're to the point that you're going to bust with frustration and disappointment and fear. Wars, separations in countries, deaths, poverty.......
When I get angry I usually scream into a pillow and maybe write a song. But when I can't do that I grab my journal and write or sometimes just scribble and then I might write a poem. Well yesterday, I got angry. I mean really angry. I wasn't angry at anyone in particular. I was angry at the world. We are studying world hunger in Family and Consumer Ed (FACE). This is a very sensitive topic for me. I am from India and just recently, like last March, I was there. The poverty had a real effect on me. I can't bare to see people treated that way. When I'm in FACE and we have a discussion about this, I actually tremble and stutter. I've never trembled or stuttered in my life. I am very affected by this and I haven't been able to pay attention in my second period class because of it. But this isn't about me. It's about everyone else.
To me it seems like, everyone else doesn't really care. I mean, they care, but it doesn't truly matter to them. They walk out of the class talking about football, as if the class didn't just happen. As if they didn't just see young girls bawling over how they were so mistreated. It doesn't occur to them that those people in the video could just as easily be them.
I see a lot of people expressing how much they hate thinking about these things. How they wish they didn't have to learn this. Do they really think that all the teacher wants to do is depress them? The purpose is to spread awareness. Unless people know about these know about these things, they won't be able to do anything to prevent it.
When I was done venting, I wrote a poem about it. (It usually wraps it up nicely and allows me to think about something else.) I want to put it here, because this is the only place where it can be shown.

Why was I so Lucky?
That I never saw a parent die
I don't need to beg for money
I don't feel the need to cry

My body was never abused
My heart wasn't broken in two
I'm strong willed and I'm free
My life's lain out for me

Why was I so lucky?
I don't have a life threatening disease
I'm not afraid that I'll freeze
I'm not scared to know that some people know my name
I can be anything I want without any shame

There are people in this world who are afraid to laugh or cry
Afraid to tell their name
Afraid that they will die
Why was I so lucky, that I'm not one of them?
Some people take for granted, how easy life is for them..