Monday, February 20, 2006

It's times like this, I wish I were in love.. to be distracted from it all.
But it's going to be a long while before that happens again.. as I'm sure I've developed some trust issues.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Do you ever get that horrible disliked emotion?
Like a perfectly normal, not very signifigant, random, maybe even tiny, person doesn't like you.. and you can't do anything about it..
and it just burns inside of you. And it's only because you did something inexplicably wrong, maybe, once.. in your life, and you're paying for it forever, because they don't like you. And they're perfectly okay not liking you. And they're perfectly fine, liking all of your friends and being nice to everyone, just that you have that special, horrible, dislikable quality.
It's like an opposite of someone having a crush on you. It's like someone having an anti-crush on you.. They dislike you for some reason, and you don't know what.
And you're one of those people, who can't live with themselves if they find themself disliking anyone or anything, because you feel mean, and like you're a bad person, so you going around.. thinking the best thoughts about everyone, recognizing everyone's fantastic qualities. And just feeling that little pang of heartbreak, when you know that they don't recognize anything in you. That you don't really matter to them in anyway. That your existence is unimportant.. and when you know, you'd go out of your way to help them, they'd just walk on by without even seeing.
...and it hurts. because you don't remember doing anything wrong.. and you don't know how it can change. and you wonder what's wrong with you, that makes you so unspecial, so... undeserving of people's neutral feelings toward you. It's not even that you need to be liked.. only to be considered of decent character, of decent interestingness.
But even that, is a charity, and a rare one at that.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Since my sister is the coolest person ever, she got a job at CitiGroup in New York... because she completely blew these guys away with her interview.And like, this was like, this huge deal, and she got picked out of so many people. and they hired her practically on the spot.

She makes me soooooo proud. and she's totally achieving all of her dreams

and when I grow up I want to be just like her.

except I don't like banks.