truthin'

if you don't know the word "truth" when used as a verb, you probably never heard the song "these boots are made for walking" by nancy sinatra.  i know this song because my Nana sings it.
she looks so sexy in that video, i pity the fool who lied when he should've been truthing, and samed when he should've been changing.

so i thought i could truth a little bit before i head off to ochem. i gotta use this free internet somehow!

truthing:

-i found a french radio station on iTunes a few seconds ago. it ROCKS. like, for real, it's so nice to hear the french talk. i can totally understand it when it's slow enough. i'm going to get fluent in french. i can feel it. une energie joyeuse c'est positive. mais, aussi la musique n'est pas toujours la meilleure. mais la phrase precedente n'etait pas francais. i'm currently listening to "du contrat social" par jean jacques rousseau.

-you should watch this video. it's hilariously done.  it's part of a project by Joseph Gordon-Levitt of 500 Days of Summer / 3rd Rock From the Sun/ 10 Things I hate about you fame to consolidate the talent of young awesome directors and actors over the internet and make freaking amazing stuff. watch the video, i implore you.  it's exactly the kind of thing i'm into.

-we have neurons in our brain that make us like the music that we've heard more than once. at first, it hates music that seems not to have a pattern it can understand, but soon they work very very hard and decode the music so that we can love it. i learned about that from WNYC Radiolab's podcast entitled "Musical Language,"  which you should download and listen to if you ever get the chance. i've been getting the chance because i work in relative solitude in the lab all the time.

-i have to find more new music to listen to. it's a constant struggle.  i've decided i like phoenix, but  i don't want to make music like theirs. in general, i've decided i don't like the way music encapsulates a feeling that is oftentimes a destructive one, like the one of falling into stupid unabashed first love or the one of dwelling on the relationships you're not in. i think it's weird that our band has no love songs under its belt. the closest thing is "a study in blue" but it's not really a love song at all. it's more about finding meaning.

-i did my laundry by my lonesome last night and made a friend in my building who is a psychology post-doc from chile, who witnessed me drop my underwear no less than 3 times in the puddles in our laundry room due to flooding from the recent freak tornado/thunderstorm.

tornado schmwarning

so... i'm stuck in birge hall, the hall in which i work due to tornado warning stuff that's been happening today.

so of course this is one of those poetic times where you're stuck at the hands of some higher power that has control over you. your 500 days of summer dates get canceled and you're just sitting there at a big computer and thinking maybe probably you should be doing something more intellectual or at least take advantage of this time by getting ahead on seed planting...

no matter. i'm writing a blog entry because how much internet do i really get access to?
actually a lot. despite the fact that i don't have internet between the hours of 7:30 and 10 in the morning on an average day, i still get to use it in crowded, public places from insecure ports. so my knowledge of current affairs has suffered a bit.


i've been trying to think of more interesting things lately...

this was my first weekend spent totally downtown.

with that comes some observation:

-i think i decided that platonic friends are the best kind. since i'm single, that makes that everyone, which is good. this is probably a bad thesis to reach right before my radioshow tomorrow about sexual tension, but whatever.

-it's not a good idea to miscategorize people into different categories than they fit into. in my experience, it's a bad idea to force anything or think of things in a what-if sense.

-i am in birge hall trying to do ochem because kohl lent me his key and i keep hearing ghosts but i don't really mind them that much.

-um, it's like, super easy to forget when to eat. also, it sucks to not have internet. it just does. internet is such a nice thing and i will never ever take it for granted again.


here is a small list of things i'd rather do than ochem:
-join the circus for that tongue rolly thing i do
-become a cruise ship singer
-callgirl for charity
-oh yeah, singer in a band
-walk the perimeter of campus
-go shopping at urban 3 times in preparation for the exam (this i actually did)
-eat indian buffet and make chem-related metaphors to describe my love life

one true friend in the universe

i haven't really been having real emotions lately. i find it hard to cry or feel anything but ennui when i try to consider my life, because honestly, despite moments in my life that i regret, there has been hardly anything that would merit a single tear.

but all the same, it's nice to cry. it's nice to feel. that's why i believe in the power of fiction. it's easier for me to cry when considering the plights of others. i watched seussical last night, starring my brother and a bunch of other 16 and under-year-olds. i used to feel weird when i went to his CTM shows, because when i was little i was in CTM and made way too big a deal about everything. but in truth, i really miss the adrenaline, glamour and teamwork of putting on a show- that's probably why i'm in a band now, or why i'm such a dramaqueen or why i watch and love glee.

i'm constantly missing the old me. the person who was small, powerless, but still a person. full of hope and energy and life and love. i have to remind myself that it's still me, just in a different, wiser way.  watching my little brother, with his newly-changed voice and clean canvas on which he'll paint teenage experiences, depict an elephant who'd be jailed and rained on and get sick all to protect what he loves reminded me of what i stand for in the world. it was like an encapsulation of everything that's good, pure and yet unblemished by wrinkles and jadedness.

all you need in the whole wide world is someone who'll face it with you. someone who'll love you for you, who'll stand by you, who'll have a good, riveting conversation with you and make you laugh. and sometimes you need to be that for yourself. i'm lucky- so lucky-- to have my two best friends in the world (the only two people i can count on to read this). and i want to spend my life fighting for other people like they do for me.

there are some things that should not be important.

these things:
-race
-where you lie on the gradient of complexion color
-religion of lineage
-giving or taking of 15 pounds of body weight
-handwriting
-how many cavities someone has
-waist to hip ratio

things that are important:
-ability to make you laugh
-dependability/reliability
-cuddliness
-willingness to stay up late and/or wake up at a weird time just to talk to you when you're sad and have things to say that may or may not disappoint the listener
-loving the same songs as you
-sporcle skill
-letting you be yourself and loving you because of it, not in spite of it
-knowing you so well, just knowing what's up without having to ask you about it, sometimes telling you what's up even though you don't want to admit it a la that scene in hercules where meg won't say she's in love
-your cute nose
-street smarts & heart smarts

fuck anyone who says otherwise.