one true friend in the universe

i haven't really been having real emotions lately. i find it hard to cry or feel anything but ennui when i try to consider my life, because honestly, despite moments in my life that i regret, there has been hardly anything that would merit a single tear.

but all the same, it's nice to cry. it's nice to feel. that's why i believe in the power of fiction. it's easier for me to cry when considering the plights of others. i watched seussical last night, starring my brother and a bunch of other 16 and under-year-olds. i used to feel weird when i went to his CTM shows, because when i was little i was in CTM and made way too big a deal about everything. but in truth, i really miss the adrenaline, glamour and teamwork of putting on a show- that's probably why i'm in a band now, or why i'm such a dramaqueen or why i watch and love glee.

i'm constantly missing the old me. the person who was small, powerless, but still a person. full of hope and energy and life and love. i have to remind myself that it's still me, just in a different, wiser way.  watching my little brother, with his newly-changed voice and clean canvas on which he'll paint teenage experiences, depict an elephant who'd be jailed and rained on and get sick all to protect what he loves reminded me of what i stand for in the world. it was like an encapsulation of everything that's good, pure and yet unblemished by wrinkles and jadedness.

all you need in the whole wide world is someone who'll face it with you. someone who'll love you for you, who'll stand by you, who'll have a good, riveting conversation with you and make you laugh. and sometimes you need to be that for yourself. i'm lucky- so lucky-- to have my two best friends in the world (the only two people i can count on to read this). and i want to spend my life fighting for other people like they do for me.