Wednesday, January 10, 2007

"i'm not gonna lie, but.."

I absolutely HATE it when people say that phrase. "I'm not gonna lie, but..." or "Blahblahblah. I'm NOT gonna lie."
How did this get popular? Why is everyone saying it?
Like remember when everyone said, "No offense, but..."? Remember THAT was annoying?
So in this new century, have we switched over to this troublesome petty phrase?

Things that bug me about this phrase:

#1: How it reflects on you

"I'm not gonna lie, but.. "=
"Normally, I would lie, but in this very special case, I'm making an exception for you!"
What? You're not going to lie? You're not? Really? Now, you're not? Well, okay. Now that you've told me that you're not lying. I guess... I'll believe you.

#2: You're never saying anything pleasant when you say it
"I'm not gonna lie, but.. you look really fat in that dress."
"I'm not gonna lie, but.. I was on my way to Einsteins this morning, and I saw your mother get eaten by a bear."
"I'm not gonna lie, but... I kicked a developmentally disabled child while they were petting a kitten."
"I'm not gonna lie, but... I just said that stupid phrase again and you want to shoot yourself."
It's almost become a prologue or a foreshadowing to life shattering events.

#3: ...except when it's just used to talk about petty stuff
In which case, it's still annoying as hell, because you were expecting it to be something bad or you were just SO annoyed by it. "I'm not gonna lie, but I fell asleep last night."
Thank you. Thank you for not lying. Thank you for your brutal honesty.

#4: when it's used for emphasis
"Those are amazing shoes, I'm not gonna lie"
If you wanted to emphasize the statement, just slap in a very, or a quite, or a completely, or a très, or a mui, or a really, or even a fucking.
Instead of using this terrible phrase, try using artful adjectives to imagery to emphasize your point.
"Those are fucking amazing shoes!"
"Those shoes are mui amazing."
"Those shoes are très magnifique."
"Those are some fine looking flats you have right there, missy."
"Snappy shoes!"
For the LOVE OF GOD (or whoever), people. BE CREATIVE.

#5: It used to be cool. But IT'S NOT anymore..
When not a lot of people used it, it was cool in an individual cute type of way. But now, that it's everywhere, people are getting closer to becoming the dull grey blobs that affluence creates. I google searched this term and I got 169,000 results. Watch as I google "Those are some fine looking flats you have right there, missy." Not one single result. Now, if I google "Aarushi", I'm one of the only results that comes up. This is because my name is very unique and original. Don't you want to be unique and original?

#6: It's used all the time.
I'll admit, I've said this before. Maybe like, twice. Since then, I have used it well, never.
Because everyone says it.. and therefore, it is so overused that it gets stuck in your head. It's like... any song off of American Idiot.

#7: It would not be cool if you said "going"
or if your mother said it.
or if Mrs. Commins said it.
If you're going to use a phrase that only some people can sound cool saying... then, you're probably not one of them.
Like, I don't say fo' shizzle and pull it off all the time.
I mean, 9 times out of 10 but still.

So please! Don't use it. Or if you use it, say "going". It makes you sound 509485948594x smarter. I'm not gonna lie.