picking battles

there are different types of arguments: there are the kinds that are carefully, methodically lain out, with no clear opponent-- the fight for truth against falsehood; there are arguments created to make way for better, deeper arguments; there are playful arguments between potential lovers; and there are angry, bitter arguments between two people who care about one another very much.


when is the argument worth it? when will it damage more than it resolves? when does a joke argument turn into a real argument? when does a statement of observation become a jab?

where does an argument start from?
it starts from a "difference" that two people have. "having differences" has become a rather stupid colloquialism that connotes an inability to agree on something with the person with whom you have that difference. i think it's dumb because, dur, we all "have our differences."
this difference could be minute like "coke or pepsi" or slightly less minute like "republican or democrat" or maybe still minute like "do you eat your food right away or keep it for when you know you want it?"

what fuels an argument is two things:
1. you feel your side of the argument is legitimately true and you believe that you're right
2. once the argument is started, you want to win at all costs

a little bit of both of these elements fuels a good argument... but i'd say you can characterize by how much these two factors are at play.

so like, if you're exhibiting a 2:1 ratio of feeling like you're right and wanting to win, then you are probably having a structured debate, not unlike those that occur in a high school debate situation. if you have a 1.5:1 ratio, you might be a pretty "good" politician (in that you care more about what's right than winning but if you're a really good politician maybe you want closer to a 1:1 ratio, because in order to achieve number 1, you've gotta be able to do #2.) i feel like the ratios exhibited in most passionate, spur of the moment fights with people you care about is a 1:2 for the offensive arguer. sometimes it's even more in the direction of #2 because the arguer is very often not even arguing about the thing, but the greater meaning behind that thing. they want to get the attention of the other person in some way, by getting mad at them, by being right. oh and the ratios between people who are being playful don't matter really at all.

so where is this coming from?

i guess i just never know where or when to pick my battles with people. this might be because i don't think of them much as battles as they are sharing opinions and putting down evidence for them (that is until #2 takes over). i don't like it when people dismiss arguments before they are fully formed. but i also realize that some arguments are a lost cause, like preferences. (or can you? what causes preferences? to be discussed at a later date.)
i always get all tangled up when people don't share my preferences because i think they just need to see something in the same light as i do and then they'll understand. what i should realize is that our world is richer because people have preferences.
then we wouldn't have people who knit or people who paint or even computers. i think that argumentation can be particularly harmful when one person tries to say what's best for everyone. often, it's simply not what's best for everyone. people are different, they have different modes of operation, different comforts, different weaknesses, different fears.
what i guess i really wish, though, was that people (self included) would be more open-minded about people, places, things and ideas encountered in life. i feel like so many things get dismissed "on" some "principle" that's founded in some preference that someone else has. sometimes it gets dismissed on circumstance... e.g. "i was in a bad mood when i met this person and misjudged him."

enough rambling for tonight, i still have plenty of orgo to keep me warm.

the definition of insanity

is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. - albert einstein

as demonstrated by aarushi, this weekend, and last weekend, and the weekend before that.

will i ever learn? will the benefit of being a good girl early ever outweigh the cost of staying up late on sunday screwed as hell? will i write my global health paper before the day before it's due the day i get back from boston?

more importantly, will i become less selfish? lately, in my attempts to be me-first/independent, i think that i am becoming increasingly self-absorbed.

maybe i'm just pupating

they don't love you like i love you

i am not always the biggest fan of karen o -- but i fully believe in giving credit where it's due. this song, from fever to tell, has this feeling about it that i guess does this thing where it encapsulates a feeling that i think gets had more than people want to say.


she kind of pulls from some really tender place probably located somewhere in her id and she feels like she can say something so upfront and polarizing- "they don't love you like i love you." the idea of simple devotion, care and shared laughter seems so alien these utilitarian days of college life.

i sometimes wish that what i want in my heart of hearts-- which i fully believe is something really unselfish-- could be justifiable or even possible in this universe.
i mean, of course it's possible... anything is probably possible given time and resources and will. but it's really not that easy, and it's really hard to know why you want something and if just wanting something is reason enough to pursue.

all this time i thought that i didn't have a wall up against the world. i thought that others kept people out with their pretend callousness and their cavalier attitudes toward others, but i am slowly realizing that i have slowly but surely and maybe accidentally constructed some kind of barricade against the world. i know because i frequently bump into it when i try to express my feelings to someone or another. for some reason the prospect of showing any weakness or regard for what other people think can seem so daunting.

i need to be nicer

to start, some offensive words
-cock: to describe someone who is a pompous, arrogant jerk. someone can be this and still be a good person.. usually used with a qualifer as in that guy we studied with was kind of a cock but can be used more outright john mayer just seems like such a cock

-turd: to describe someone mildly jerkish as in quit poking me you turd or that's my guac, you turd

sorry to anyone who may be offended by this post. it's a post. get over it.

i really have become a lot meaner lately. maybe it's the fact that all of my time is allotted to doing something. i never do nothing anymore (intentional double negative).

sometimes it just comes with the territory of being honest and sometimes it's in self-defense. but i mean, i get it. chances are if you're my friend, you're my good friend. most of the time, i'm a linking force between people i know (it might be the middle child in me) and thus, people feel like they can rag on me because they know me and if they rag on others it's not as okay because they don't know the others all that well. it's like what they do to relate to other people in the group. and i get that this is probably a good position to be in, and also that i'm sometimes just up for a fight.

i need to stop being so caring. this is what it all comes down to anyway. people never try to mess with people who are elusive and cold. but when i don't care, i'm automatically mean. it's an extinction vortex!

i feel like meanness stems from the fact that sometimes i just feel like i wish people would be more honest about things. i really believe that people would do better to say what they think instead of pretending like they're cool with stuff to avoid clashing with people.

i think it's cowardly to say one thing and do another, to act in a way that's misleading. being nice is not about telling people what they want to hear, it's about telling the truth while minimizing the stress of others. it's about treating others with real respect.

regardless of this, i'm going to burn up into flames because i am goddess sitala and then be reborn like the phoenix that i am and then i'll be super nice to everyone.

also, check out this great music.

I never do as much as I want to do.

Also, I wish I were Salma Hayek. You slay me, beautiful woman.


Apparently, Becca's and my Unrequited Love show got everyone depressed. I'm sorry. Unrequited love sucks for everyone involved... we all know it.  Thankfully, we have our platonic friends and our 30 Rock and Mexican candies to get us through all the hard times and that's all we really need, I think.

It's getting colder outside, which means the layers and the feelings of not wanting to get out of bed ever are back, my friend. Tomorrow I'm going to have a great, productive day. And by tomorrow, I mean today.

Goals for the upcoming week:
-Do well on Biocore Test
-Study successfully
-Finish Global Health Essay and get a better grade than Jason does (So doable if I keep my head up)
-Find innovative ways to look good in cold weather
-Become more aware of political issues
-Brainstorm song ideas for the Rose Lights