Monday, September 07, 2009

There is a light that never goes out

i suppose i should give the world an update as to my new "college life."
perhaps, more for my own purposes than anyone else's. it's nice to read a diary, internet or otherwise and see yourself in the midst of a flux of dynamic experiences. life is such a strange equilibrium.

i have successfully made some friends i guess; nice people who laugh at my admittedly spur of the moment jokes.

i am slowly discovering myself and it is a nice feeling, though i find that it's very difficult to traverse the highway of hurrying students on my way to the chemistry building, and even more difficult to reason with myself to walk 10 feet to the showers, and awkwardly shut the propped open door that reveals to passersby (1/3 of which are male) that i am in fact coming out of/going into a stall or brushing my teeth with my loud, sputtering sonicare toothbrush.

one thing that is easier than those things is making friends and oh my goodness, getting exercise. i don't think i've walked so much in my life, which is not saying much for me. unfortunately the difference is made by the dorm food and the abundance of free pizza everywhere i go.

being away from home makes me miss my family with such sincerity. i miss them in every step.
when i'm waking up 3 or 7 times in the morning, trying desperately to pull myself from memory foam induced sleep, to when i'm brushing my hair or putting on an underskirt, knowing that my mother would like it that way.

last night when i came home to my dorm, i felt this incredible sense of unwholeness. emily was gone, and no one was there except for me. it was 3 am and i had just taken the 81 back to the union and taken the elevator in lieu of taking the healthier stairs.
my parents had called me five minutes before, which i think is funny. they knew by some parental omniscience that i would be awake.

when my dad picked me up today, he told me not to worry-- he had loaded all the songs from iTunes successfully onto an external hard drive, while calmly warning me to keep track of my things, "A twenty second investment now will save you hours and hours of aggravation."

coming home today filled me with relief. after watching youtube on my dad's latest obsession--the blueray--of indian music gameshows, SaReGaMaPa and Indian Idol, i know i can go to sleep.

don't get me wrong, college is rather amazing.
i love the freedom i have, to go shopping, to join groups, to make friends, to go out on my own and to not have to ever pay for gas. that and the subsidized food and movies.
i love the built in movement and music. i like that there are people around who want to make friends, and to experience life.

i like that our teachers don't baby us and expect us to do things by ourselves, but that help is still there if you ask for it.