Sunday, October 10, 2010

i need to be nicer

to start, some offensive words
-cock: to describe someone who is a pompous, arrogant jerk. someone can be this and still be a good person.. usually used with a qualifer as in that guy we studied with was kind of a cock but can be used more outright john mayer just seems like such a cock

-turd: to describe someone mildly jerkish as in quit poking me you turd or that's my guac, you turd

sorry to anyone who may be offended by this post. it's a post. get over it.

i really have become a lot meaner lately. maybe it's the fact that all of my time is allotted to doing something. i never do nothing anymore (intentional double negative).

sometimes it just comes with the territory of being honest and sometimes it's in self-defense. but i mean, i get it. chances are if you're my friend, you're my good friend. most of the time, i'm a linking force between people i know (it might be the middle child in me) and thus, people feel like they can rag on me because they know me and if they rag on others it's not as okay because they don't know the others all that well. it's like what they do to relate to other people in the group. and i get that this is probably a good position to be in, and also that i'm sometimes just up for a fight.

i need to stop being so caring. this is what it all comes down to anyway. people never try to mess with people who are elusive and cold. but when i don't care, i'm automatically mean. it's an extinction vortex!

i feel like meanness stems from the fact that sometimes i just feel like i wish people would be more honest about things. i really believe that people would do better to say what they think instead of pretending like they're cool with stuff to avoid clashing with people.

i think it's cowardly to say one thing and do another, to act in a way that's misleading. being nice is not about telling people what they want to hear, it's about telling the truth while minimizing the stress of others. it's about treating others with real respect.

regardless of this, i'm going to burn up into flames because i am goddess sitala and then be reborn like the phoenix that i am and then i'll be super nice to everyone.

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