i always hope that i can just start typing here and stumble onto something to write about. that's what happens whenever i get the 'feeling' i want to write a blog entry. sometimes i'm legitimately processing something and it feeds its way out of my fingers, but lately there hasn't been one thing on the forefront of my mind. i always knew that if i studied too much, i'd get boring.
things have settled into something of a schedule although everything is different beyond what i could've imagined. at the beginning of this year, i was in a vastly different place than i am now. i feel as if there have been multiple phase shifts this year; maybe this year is about trying on a bunch of different hats- the journalistic hat, the singer hat, the taking-more-of-a-proactive-role-in-my-own-life hat, the i-don't-care-what-you-think-of-my-relationships hat, the yes-i-will-drive-900-miles-to-see-my-favorite-band hat, and on top of that, the i-will-finally-learn-guitar hat.
disclaimer: i don't really like hats that much. itchy head, hat hair, you know the drill.
weird, weird things develop in my life, and little happenchances become reality. the funny thing is that i can pinpoint the decisions leading up to this point in my life, taking an ethnic studies over the summer, for example, or looking for guitarists for our band. my brain always does this thing where it jumps into a let's-do-it mentality. doing things just leads to me doing other things in an exponential fashion... i'm trying to reel it in this hyper-stressful semester.
i don't believe in fate. in fact, i epically don't believe in fate. i believe in controlled randomness. while it may seem like something was supposed to happen, i think it's actually that there are certain things in life that are extremely probable if x situation occurs. i have this creepy ability to call things. but the reason i can do those things is because i'm kind of good at reading people.
isn't it odd that some people notice things that other people don't? what i mean is that each person has a unique set of criteria for looking at the world, and thus they notice different things in their quotidian world. when i walk around, i notice probably 80% the same things as most other people, but that extra 20% could make all the difference. i notice that some people make really hilarious facial expressions when they walk, i monitor the numbers of people listening to iPods and those who are just talking, or count how many people i can pass. those kinds of things. i started thinking about this because i've discussed with people what they like about certain things- e.g. music- and they like different things than i do, and object to different things than i do. for example, i don't like bon iver's voice at all. i find it to be breath-y and i think the whole thing is so low key that there's nothing to latch on to, but someone else who listens to it may enjoy the music for its atmospheric quality, and not find his weird voice to be a deal-breaker. i can't decide other people's deal-breakers for them. (although sometimes i really wish i could...)
going back to the hat thing, i'm striving to be the best me i can be in the student/appreciating-and-gaining-from-my-education/person. i'm confident in myself, i know that i have something great to offer the world. it's a matter of knowing this and matching my actions to this philosophy so that i can be the optimal me- the one that minimizes her weaknesses and amplifies her strengths. that's at least the best example i can set for my brother and the students i teach at the Free Press. that means being proactive, being friendly, reaching out to people, and being creative-- but those are the things i'm already good at. it also means not procrastinating, giving everything my all, putting in the time to teach myself all that i need to know, living and letting live, watching what i say sometimes, and not second-guessing myself too much.
i think there were a lot of things in this post that could've made their own posts.... i'm warming back up, please forgive me my digressions, it's 3AM. i tried to not to stay up this late.
p.s. i'm afraid i might suddenly start liking bon iver like tomorrow. in which case, i'm sorry, and i will post an edit. but as of yet, i don't get what the big deal is. i like music with flourishes and tempo, melodic or dynamic changes that reflect the intensity of life. bon iver's music seems to not have anything jump out of its fabric.
things have settled into something of a schedule although everything is different beyond what i could've imagined. at the beginning of this year, i was in a vastly different place than i am now. i feel as if there have been multiple phase shifts this year; maybe this year is about trying on a bunch of different hats- the journalistic hat, the singer hat, the taking-more-of-a-proactive-role-in-my-own-life hat, the i-don't-care-what-you-think-of-my-relationships hat, the yes-i-will-drive-900-miles-to-see-my-favorite-band hat, and on top of that, the i-will-finally-learn-guitar hat.
disclaimer: i don't really like hats that much. itchy head, hat hair, you know the drill.
weird, weird things develop in my life, and little happenchances become reality. the funny thing is that i can pinpoint the decisions leading up to this point in my life, taking an ethnic studies over the summer, for example, or looking for guitarists for our band. my brain always does this thing where it jumps into a let's-do-it mentality. doing things just leads to me doing other things in an exponential fashion... i'm trying to reel it in this hyper-stressful semester.
i don't believe in fate. in fact, i epically don't believe in fate. i believe in controlled randomness. while it may seem like something was supposed to happen, i think it's actually that there are certain things in life that are extremely probable if x situation occurs. i have this creepy ability to call things. but the reason i can do those things is because i'm kind of good at reading people.
isn't it odd that some people notice things that other people don't? what i mean is that each person has a unique set of criteria for looking at the world, and thus they notice different things in their quotidian world. when i walk around, i notice probably 80% the same things as most other people, but that extra 20% could make all the difference. i notice that some people make really hilarious facial expressions when they walk, i monitor the numbers of people listening to iPods and those who are just talking, or count how many people i can pass. those kinds of things. i started thinking about this because i've discussed with people what they like about certain things- e.g. music- and they like different things than i do, and object to different things than i do. for example, i don't like bon iver's voice at all. i find it to be breath-y and i think the whole thing is so low key that there's nothing to latch on to, but someone else who listens to it may enjoy the music for its atmospheric quality, and not find his weird voice to be a deal-breaker. i can't decide other people's deal-breakers for them. (although sometimes i really wish i could...)
going back to the hat thing, i'm striving to be the best me i can be in the student/appreciating-and-gaining-from-my-education/person. i'm confident in myself, i know that i have something great to offer the world. it's a matter of knowing this and matching my actions to this philosophy so that i can be the optimal me- the one that minimizes her weaknesses and amplifies her strengths. that's at least the best example i can set for my brother and the students i teach at the Free Press. that means being proactive, being friendly, reaching out to people, and being creative-- but those are the things i'm already good at. it also means not procrastinating, giving everything my all, putting in the time to teach myself all that i need to know, living and letting live, watching what i say sometimes, and not second-guessing myself too much.
i think there were a lot of things in this post that could've made their own posts.... i'm warming back up, please forgive me my digressions, it's 3AM. i tried to not to stay up this late.
p.s. i'm afraid i might suddenly start liking bon iver like tomorrow. in which case, i'm sorry, and i will post an edit. but as of yet, i don't get what the big deal is. i like music with flourishes and tempo, melodic or dynamic changes that reflect the intensity of life. bon iver's music seems to not have anything jump out of its fabric.
1 comment:
for some reason this showed up twice in google reader and i thought you had amended your bon iver thing already! but i'm relieved to see you didn't. :)
you should quit prefacing your posts with equivalents of "i know this is boring" because this was anything but. i like the controlled randomness view, it does make sense at least to my addled 3:30 AM brain. except, what impact on anyone's life could looking for my replacement possibly have!? :-P
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