Many Musings of Aarushi

12:30 You know, you think you know someone. But then they say or do something seriously unpredictable. There really is more to people than meets the eye.
You go around thinking, They'll never know how I feel. They've never been through this. or you might even think something egotistical. I'm probably the wisest person in this place, because I've been through a lot. Sometimes it might be true. Maybe you are the wisest person in the room. Or maybe they'll never know what you feel like.
You never really stop to think about other peoples' lives. You automatically assume that they're nothing like you or unable to relate. That they've never been through pain. You look at someone from the outside and judge them on the way they act towards you. On the way they look and act right now.
I bet if everyone knew everyone's ulterior motives, they wouldn't think that what they did is so bad.
That's why it really hurts me when someone says, "I've been through a lot more than you have," or "You couldn't possibly know how I feel." How do you know?
Everyone has a past. Everyone has been through pain. It may be the pain of being made fun of for something you can't control. It could be that a loved-one died.
A point that someone made to me was,"You've never had anyone blood-related to you die," What does blood mean, anyway? Why should I have to be blood-related to someone to feel pain if they're gone? I love someone because of who they are and what they do. Not because of their relation.
Today, my friends were depressed because of their lost grandfathers. They kept telling me how I couldn't relate because I haven't lost a grandfather. But I have. He may be alive, but he's not the grandfather I used to have.
My grandfather has a degenerative illness. Most of my family thinks he's depressed. And no one hates it more than I do. I want the grandfather I can talk to and love. Not the grandfather who sits at home all day in bed and fusses whenever someone leaves the house and never goes outside. I think that's just a little bit more painful than having a wonderful grandfather just die. My grandfather used to be wonderful. But now he's in a vegetable state. And everyday, I hope and pray that he'll get better and be happy again. I feel so left out that everyone else has their dad's dad talk to you about what he was like when he was a kid and read you stories. And play with you. But I never had that. I kind of wish that he had died earlier, but had his right state of mind. Then, at least I would have some memories with him.
I wish I could've known him. I wish I could have an intelligent conversation with him and known what he was like. I knew he was a wonderful person. I've listened to tapes of him before he got sick.
Before he got sick. He was a wonderful person before he got sick. He used to chase after my sister on her bike. He didn't know me as me. He knew the little darling baby. "You really have to send us some tapes of our little darling, Aarushi singing. She has such a lovely voice." I heard that on the tape. He also mentioned something about my Dadi (dad's mom) writing her own music and him accompanying her and maybe representing her in a few years. In a few years he got sick.
It just kills me that he had imagined a happy life and ended up in bed. Isolated at home. I just wish it hadn't happened. I mean why him? Why me? I can ask that question forever, but he'll never be the same..