so my little brother is marching in protest of scott walker's budget cuts that directly affect state employees.
his school-day was canceled because so many teachers are protesting. this whole thing is just making me think of revolutions and rebellions... i'm so proud of the people who are not taking this sitting down. regardless of politics, i think there's something to be said about a unified effort.
but that's all i want to say about that.
i have changed so much in the previous year, ideologically, philosophically, physically and morally, and it's probably good. i've become way more critical and cognizant of complexity, and the lack of simple solutions in the world. i've left this purposefully vague, because it's happened in all areas of life, not just in one sphere.
i know it's really lame to be like blahblahblah i've changed, i've grown. it's cliché. but for some reason, when it happens to you, it feels so specific, like an enzyme binding to an active state, where you are the substrate and the active site is college and the enzyme is your situation.
i don't know about anyone else, but when i got to college, i kind of liked myself: i liked good music, i had good friends, i knew what general causes i wanted to work toward, i could sing, i had skills that i built up in high school like writing. i felt like this being that i am wouldn't really change, like i was just done. a finished product. but of course i wasn't. sometimes i worry that if i continue to change so much, i might just come out on the other side of life as a completely different me than the one that came in.
a huge difference is that i've become so much more aware of my biases, my underlying assumptions about others and myself. i used to think that everyone was more or less the same as me. i thought they had the same internal dialogue, because i'd always kind of held this simplistic notion growing up that any two people could be friends if they met under the right circumstances, that people were pretty much the same underneath everything. i still kind of feel that way, you can't really help it if you've thought that way for so long.
in the post-postmodern existential overhaul era, i've finally realized that people are different from me. and not just in superficial, external ways, but in fundamental ones too. in fact, they could be the same as me in so many ways, they could listen to the same music as me and read the same books and frequent the same web sites and places, but they can still be different. it all depends on your level of analysis.
in light of the fact that everyone i know's differences have been emerging forthrightly before mine eyes, i think i've finally come to realize the joy of my own company. no one in this world will care more about what i have to say than i do. no one will enjoy the songs i write more than me or feel them the way i intended them more than i can. and no one has more control of my destiny than i do. i can sit around and wait for someone who will appreciate how cool i am, and how i think, or i can be that person. i can rely on me, and make my own happiness.
and i think, for the first time in my life, in spite of everything that tends to go wrong—that has been going wrong—i'm really happy.
his school-day was canceled because so many teachers are protesting. this whole thing is just making me think of revolutions and rebellions... i'm so proud of the people who are not taking this sitting down. regardless of politics, i think there's something to be said about a unified effort.
but that's all i want to say about that.
i have changed so much in the previous year, ideologically, philosophically, physically and morally, and it's probably good. i've become way more critical and cognizant of complexity, and the lack of simple solutions in the world. i've left this purposefully vague, because it's happened in all areas of life, not just in one sphere.
i know it's really lame to be like blahblahblah i've changed, i've grown. it's cliché. but for some reason, when it happens to you, it feels so specific, like an enzyme binding to an active state, where you are the substrate and the active site is college and the enzyme is your situation.
i don't know about anyone else, but when i got to college, i kind of liked myself: i liked good music, i had good friends, i knew what general causes i wanted to work toward, i could sing, i had skills that i built up in high school like writing. i felt like this being that i am wouldn't really change, like i was just done. a finished product. but of course i wasn't. sometimes i worry that if i continue to change so much, i might just come out on the other side of life as a completely different me than the one that came in.
a huge difference is that i've become so much more aware of my biases, my underlying assumptions about others and myself. i used to think that everyone was more or less the same as me. i thought they had the same internal dialogue, because i'd always kind of held this simplistic notion growing up that any two people could be friends if they met under the right circumstances, that people were pretty much the same underneath everything. i still kind of feel that way, you can't really help it if you've thought that way for so long.
do you ever finding yourself mentally dividing your personal history into eras? some parts of my life i actually refer to (in my head) with made-up divisions like "the musical renaissance circa 8th grade."
maybe no one cares but me, but i've grown to laugh at my own jokes.
and i'm not trying to say that this is bad. it's really, really good, actually. it allows me to see the world through different eyes by learning from the experiences of others, by listening to their reactions and take-away lessons. but sometimes... it can be a little disconcerting that everyone is different from you in big ways. it means that there probably isn't someone who just understands about everything. we all have to communicate really effectively to get our points of view heard.
and i think, for the first time in my life, in spite of everything that tends to go wrong—that has been going wrong—i'm really happy.
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