Many Musings of Aarushi

My life is doing that weird shifty thing. Transition. It's like I'm frozen in the moment where I'm walking out of one room and into the other, the only problem is.. I'll never be able to go back to the past room. Or, it still won't be the same room even when I go back to it. It's sad, but exciting.
It's like when you watch the new season of a TV show, and they have to like, break up the couple.. and then so, to add a plot they add more characters. That's what I feel like.. like all the the plotlines at my old school, with all my friends are exhausted, so now in search for more story lines, they put me in a new atmosphere with new, exciting characters. And sure, it's inevitable. But it's just like when Jess and Rory break up on Gilmore Girls and then she goes to college. And everything's weird and different, but sort of the same in college. Or like on the OC, when Summer and Seth break up and then this new guy, Zach commands Summer's attention and the new rocker chick, Alex comes into the picture and steals Seth heart with her glitter and her stardust and bisexuality. The OC will never be as entertaining as it once was. The chemistry is gone. That won't happen to me, will it?
Or maybe it'll be better than it was before?
Even over the past 2 years, I've changed immeasurably. I remember like 2 years ago, sitting in my bedroom, writing in my journal about how in love I was, listening to Michelle Branch, reflecting.. and.. I had the strangest urge to go back. To sit and pour my emotions onto my blog and listen to the same music.. I love this song. I miss the love I felt at such a young age.. I miss dreaming. At some point, we have to open our eyes to the harsh light of reality. But maybe I wasn't ready yet. Just like, when something amazing and pretty happens (think Sethummer falling in love) and then you realize that it comes with all these billions of problems attached (think sail-away on a boat, "you only want me when you can't have me").. is it impossible to just crystalize and preserve the perfection of the moment? Can't you just be in love and be happy, without wondering what's happening next? Can't you enjoy a moment? Or is everything part of some plan, are we always and forever frantically looking forward and forgetting to live in the moment? I've been planning and thinking and analyzing for so long, thinking of where everything I do and everything I say will put me in the next year, in the next four years.. but what about now? I miss being young. I miss living my life.. instead of planning for the life I'll one-day lead. I've only loved once. But I remember, that.. when I was in that emotion, time was an eternity, life was in the second. Nothing in the past, nothing in the future. And all I want is that feeling again.. nothing not even reciprocation could be better, but I doubt it will come back.. we're in the fourth season, not the first. I miss feeling new.
I feel as if my life as a history book. I have no more renaissances or rebirths. I don't want to ever say something that reflects badly because I know I can never take anything back. My life is set into a stone. The things that I do, the things that I say are set in stone. I find it really hard to vocalize my emotions sometimes, because I know.. after I do, they'll be set in stone. Forever, it will be remembered as something I thought or something I felt. It scares me.