so i've been languishing on my bed for the better part of three days. sure, i got up to go to these weird appointments known as "classes"-- all of which, this semester, are the definition of crowded. this must be what it's like to not take a language class, and exist as part of the shuffle... of chairs, people, backpacks zipping, rudely before the time allotted has been spent, bells ringing, or not, depending on the building and the time of the meetings.
apathy.
i have no right to be apathetic. i have probably been more productive in this week than i have in all of my time of break. but the feist (this isn't a word? what?) for learning has been much dampened by deep, deep blankness of emotion, activity, teeth (i went to the dentist and gave them a damn good cleaning). i know that i have to be motivated. it's the beginning of the semester and now is the time to care. but i'm just sitting here, sick, and aching and being lame. i played a gig, and was completely out of it the whole time due to sick delirium.
this royally sucks. because normally, i'm so happy to be alive. i wake up excited for the day, for the people i haven't met, for what i haven't learned. i don't know where the blankness is coming from. this mental fatigue.
i think it's the fact that i have come to a point at which i can no longer put off decisions that need to be made in terms of things like study abroad, my major, and to a lesser extent, my band. and thus, it's like all i want to do is languish and dwell, instead of being forced to think about the colloids that should be solid in my life.
apathy.
i have no right to be apathetic. i have probably been more productive in this week than i have in all of my time of break. but the feist (this isn't a word? what?) for learning has been much dampened by deep, deep blankness of emotion, activity, teeth (i went to the dentist and gave them a damn good cleaning). i know that i have to be motivated. it's the beginning of the semester and now is the time to care. but i'm just sitting here, sick, and aching and being lame. i played a gig, and was completely out of it the whole time due to sick delirium.
this royally sucks. because normally, i'm so happy to be alive. i wake up excited for the day, for the people i haven't met, for what i haven't learned. i don't know where the blankness is coming from. this mental fatigue.
i think it's the fact that i have come to a point at which i can no longer put off decisions that need to be made in terms of things like study abroad, my major, and to a lesser extent, my band. and thus, it's like all i want to do is languish and dwell, instead of being forced to think about the colloids that should be solid in my life.
1 comment:
I can post on your blog! That's a first in a loooong time. Just letting you know I'm a faithful reader although I never comment. Stupid Blogger account.
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