Wednesday, January 26, 2011

a word to the apathetic

now seemed as good a time as ever to make another post. everytime i read something someone else has written it gives me an urge to write something, so here i am.
i feel kind of bad for my last post's lamentations. while they were utterly sound and descriptive of my feelings, i have now gained some much needed perspective -- funny how time and attention to schoolwork seems to do that.
i thought maybe i'd post something to my past and likely future self about the blues.

so to whoever is facing a bout of apathy (most likely future-me looking for answers):
  • after reading this, get off of the internet. open up a book, or go to sleep. don't chat with anyone online, don't pick up the phone and call anyone-- sleep, open a book up, read something or do some work.
  • if you've been agonizing about a decision for days, even months, think about it for twenty minutes and make a completely logical argument for each side taking out buts, and what-ifs and fantasy-like images. make the choice that makes logical sense for your life on the margin. after this process, pick the most practical one, or propose an alternate solution. DON'T put it off any longer.
case in point: i decided not to go to africa. i know i can go there later and do something more in line with my goals. if i want to learn french, i can still go away for a semester or a summer without setting back my studies right now. after maybe two years of agonizing, i just decided what i knew i would have to eventually come to terms with, and it's okay. it's better than going now, against my parent's wishes, and having to do an extra year of school.
  • make a new plan. inject some newness into your life. 
it's up to you what it is: if you're me, it shouldn't be some kind of resolution to do some activity once a week or something, any resolution you make will be too ambitious. just make one tiny little decision, choose to look at one thing differently.
  • resolve to not let your perceptions of how others' expect you to act interfere with doing what's right for you. 
even as an opinionated individual, i face this all the time. i will assume that someone secretly wants something from me or expects something of me, when there is no proof of this. i have a tendency to put others first, when i don't even know that i'm doing what they want. well no more! every day this week, i have been setting little tasks that i need to accomplish, and accomplishing them regardless of other people! muahahaha. i am so powerful!
  •  think about what your values are. now, think of what you do to support these values. what is the distance between who you are in principle and who you want to be? moreover, why do you possess the ideas you do? who/what instilled them into you? why do you think they're right? go read/listen/watch something that goes against your ideas and try to defend them honestly. you don't have to tell anyone, but justify them to yourself.
  • start accomplishing something you need/want to do ahead of time. you will thank yourself later.


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