Many Musings of Aarushi

i'm so stupid.
i have no idea what to do with myself.
i feel like i should tell people, but i don't want it to seem like I want their pity.
but i'm sad.
and i keep trying to call India and the number to call India starts with (011) 9111.. and then the police stopped by our house.. but luckily they weren't mad when I explained it.
I'm such a horrible person...
and like,
ugh.
it makes me sound totally emo or selfpitying when i keep talking about myself.
I mean, what right have I to be sad?

but really, all i want is for someone to be there telling me it's okay.
but no one really wants to be
and i don't want to bug anyone
or be needy.

i absolutely hate this.
i want it to be yesterday again.
i don't feel up to doing anything...
i can't sleep.
i don't know how not to be unhappy.
it's like... this achey feeling. and it won't go away. and i just want to roll over and fall asleep and not wake up for a long time...
but i know i'm going to have to go to school tomorrow. i'm going to have to be happy.
and show off my expert resilience.
and deal with those bitchy kids in health class and my scary geometry and take notes in History...
but i can't.