Perspective

I knew this guy who I thought had his life under control and that he didn't care what anyone else thought and that he could conquer the world with his art.

And then I got to know him

I found that he had things that continually bothered him just as I did,

he struggled to find meaning for his existence just as I do

I guess, life's not really as easy for any of us as it seems.

This is why I like to take store of the little things. I try to look at people, I try to smile when I am happy, so that someone else can share in my day. I worry about the moments when I am not the person I want to be and worry that the people I love the most get the brunt of my worrisome, panicked student-self.

I have always thought that if I could write a song and record it and have it bring others as much joy as I get when I listen to music, then I would be fulfilled at least for that moment.

But it's hard to see the effects of your own actions. Sometimes I read people's work, and I never tell them that they touched me, sometimes I see people's faces and wonder if they will ever know that I want to understand them, that I wonder what they're thinking.

I will have to learn to trust in my own influence.